Archive for October, 2009


October 24, 2009


Im finally starting my project. This will hopefully help me get to where I need to be and I hope people who read this will be supportive. I really need to start doing things for myself. I understand I cant do it all but its time I do SOMETHING. Yes this is a fundraiser project so I can get it started.

I know some of you are probably saying to yourselves “Eww she expects me to give her money to start her project, who the fuck does she think she is”

My name is Natalia. I am your friend. Asshole.

Then there are the real friends who will probably say things like “Aww thats cool but she knows Im broke and cant possibly afford to help her out even if it is only 3 bucks minimum”

You’re right. I know tons of friends who are broke and cant possibly afford to donate even that much.

Im not expecting all my friends to give me money. I dont want anyone to do something they cant. However if you would like to help out I would totally love it if you just spread the word send the link to people you think would be interested in helping out my project and such. That in itself would me the world to me.

Im so excited! And thanks in advance peeps!

Get Ready

October 19, 2009

I know Ive been gone for a bit but rest assured. I will be posting again and when I do you will smile with relief. You will also be shocked at how my views have changed on friendship. Well… maybe not THAT shocked. LOL.

International “Outing”

October 13, 2009

I am proud of being bisexual. I have no problem having friends know Im bisexual. I think whoever is WHATEVER should stand proud of who they are and not be ashamed.

THAT BEING SAID: I noticed a lot of issues lately with the topic of outing people who are gay or bi.

I have to be honest and I know many gay and bi people will probably be against me on this but, I dont think its fair to out ANYONE. To “out” someone is to reveal that a certain person is gay or bisexual either without their consent or forcing them to do so by pressuring them.

Look like I said be who you are and proud but understand that some people dont want to be outed. I dont think people should hide it but I also dont think its up to anyone else but that person to say it.

First of all, who anyone sleeps with is no ones business. I really didnt need to know if Clay Aiken was gay or not. I didnt find him attractive and the thought of him in bed with ANYONE kinda gave me the heebie geebies. So he’s gay. 1) Duh 2) good for him 3) why did I need to know this? I dont listen to his music and I dont really care.

Look, like I said Im bisexual. My friends and most of my family know I am. My mom? I havent SAID it even though there is a very small possibility she knows. Why havent I told her? Well here is the basics of my bisexuality if you must know:

I love the idea of being with men and having a relationship both sexually and mentally. I love the idea of being with a woman sexually and … just friends. Sorry but I just dont see myself having a romantic RELATIONSHIP with a woman.

THATS NOT SAYING IT CANT HAPPEN. I just dont believe you can control who you fall in love with. Its my personal opinion therefore if you agree or disagree, rock on and stick with your opinion I dont think negatively of you if you dont agree with me but respect mine.

Now do I really want to come out to my mom and say ‘hey mom i just want to tell you Im bisexual but dont worry I still want to marry a guy but I just wanna have sex with women” Yeah telling my Catholic mom who was practically raised in a convent is not really something Im eager to do right now. Now, if I do see myself pursuing an relationship with a woman, then of course I would tell her.

Now would I want someone who has no right to tell my mom to out me to her? Hells no! Who the fuck are you? You arent doing me a favor at all. Some people are still negative about homosexuality sadly and a lot of people who are gay or bi live in areas where they can be physically and emotionally harmed should someone know about their lifestyle choices. They can lose jobs and what not. Its not right but it happens. If they dont want to come out then dont force them to. Its really up to the person.

Why am I talking about this? Two things have come up over the weekend that has led me to write this blog.
1. The walk to DC. Man, I wish I could have gone. I didnt know how it was organized or anything I strongly believe we should get support and am glad that Obama has recognized us all and admitted discrimination for people who are gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender is still prevalent and should be stopped. One topic that was brought up a lot was the abolition of Don’t Ask Don’t Tell.

Now, before you jump to conclusions dont worry lol. I do think that people shouldnt HIDE who they are. It just really bugs me that this has to be an issue at all. On the one hand I dont think people should be forced to divulge what their preference is in the armed forces. If you want to fight for your country then you should be allowed to no matter what preference you have. I also dont like the Dont Ask Dont Tell issue though because that requires hiding who you are. Its just messed up.

What really upsets me is the fact that this needs to be an issue in the first place. Why did the armed forces even care. Yes, get rid of Dont Ask Dont Tell but make DAMN sure that once its gone that the discrimination doesnt come back. Its the only thing that worries me. I know a lot of people in the armed forces who actually DONT want gays in the military. It bugs the fuck out of me. Like why do you give a shit? Trust me when they realize what a close minded son of a bitch you are they wouldnt fuck you with a ten foot pole! Dont flatter yourself mofo! Seeing what some (I repeat, SOME) armed forces units have done to prisoners I worry about gays in the military. The hazing soldiers go through can be brutal but being out? I just want the government to make sure this will be disciplined HARSHLY should a terrible problem arise.

Look, if a person doesnt want to say their preference is, then leave them be, but being forced to hide it through dont ask dont tell is just as wrong. It just shouldnt be an issue. Who you fuck has nothing to do with military tactics dude!

Aside from that issue,

2. British show X Factor. Danni Minogue (Kylie’s younger sister) is one of the judges. One of the singers ( I think his name is Danyl) is bisexual. He sang a Jennifer Hudson cover of And I am Telling You and he changed the reference from “he” to “she” since he was a guy singing it. She made a comment that it was ridiculous to change that part of the song since hes bisexual and it wouldnt have mattered. Well this caused a HUGE ass controversy. Simon Cowell was obviously angry as hell at her and the audience was in shock and the poor guy looked embarrassed as hell.

Look, I got two things to say on this issue.
1. They are saying what Dannii did was a slur or homophobic gesture. Ehh,, noooo. I dont think so. She was basically telling him “Dude your bi why did you have to change the gender of who its being sung to, so what if its another guy” I think she was trying to boost him up and say “be proud of who you are”
2. However, he wasnt out. It wasnt part of the show. It had nothing to do with the song. She outed him without his permission. No silly Dannii, outing is for the person who is gay or bi. Its not your choice. I hate how people think that just cuz YOU know a person is bi or gay it gives you the right to tell the world. Im sure it was a mistake and she didnt realize it but Dannii, you are a celebrity you need to watch what you say. When will Celebrities ever LEARN THIS! UGH!

Look I like Perez Hilton in the sense that I could see myself partying with this guy HOWEVER I HATE HIS BLOG. I HATE that he feels the need to out people on a continual basis. Mind your fucking business dude! Respect the people who are struggling with this. Its all them not you. You seem really nice though and I hope to meet you haha.

I think people need to back off and respect others choices. Sex and Love are two very private things to a lot of people. Some people dont give a shit and tell the world and fucking rock on to them! However to those who dont, thats totally fine too and I respect their privacy as should everyone else.

This is a survey my friend Abby Powell posted in Facebook, I thought I would share it here.

October 6, 2009

You dont really need to copy and do this yourself but hey, feel free. I just cut and paste it from facebook.

Basically we were asked to pick 10 things that we are into that no one had influenced us into liking. These are things that I truly stumbled upon on my own without influence from friends and what not.

1) Britain

almost everything about Britain and yet I have never been there. I swear I dont know what it is that has drawn me to there but I know its someplace Im supposed to be. I see my future being there. I love the history, I love the music, I love the food (no joke). My godfather is from Blackpool and despite my relationship with him, I really love everything about Britain. I cant wait to finally go. I watch tons of British tv, especially panel shows like Have I Got News for You, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, QI just to name a few. I even love British guys. Go figure. I just know Ive loved the idea since I was a little girl. When I was growing up, the threat I would constantly get from my mom and my uncle and godfather would be if I did a bad job in school I would be sent off to a boarding school in England. I would be scared cuz I didnt want to be so far away from my mom but deep down I kinda wished I could go cuz it sounded AWESOME!

2) Faeries
Do I believe in faeries? Not really but I do wish they existed. Hell I wish I was one. I think they are kewl. I love fantasy art but faeries are cute, sexy, deviant, tricksters, enchanting, artistic, powerful, magical, everything I wish I was. Its weird though. The moment I tell people how much I love faeries (I have an Amy Brown inspired one tattooed on my back) they automatically assume I love rainbow colored cheesiness and… unicorns… bleh! Ive never been into art that depicted unicorns and pegasuses (or is it pegasaii??). It just looks weird to me. I like dragon art too but for me, elvish, faeries, pixies all have to go alongside dragons. Im not saying it makes sense Im just saying its how my head is wired dont judge me! LOL. If anyone ever wanted to give me art, faeries win, I have one gift from Paul, a faerie figurine that sits above my computer. I look at it daily and it makes me smile.It broke one day and I crazy glued it back together cuz I wont let it die. I even have written a song (fairly Enya-esque, Cocteau Twinish, Loreena McKennitish, Bel Cantoish) where I mention faeries. I also sing a song called Faerie Pet in my band The JSE. Yeah, I did faeries. a lot!

3) Labyrinth

I’ve loved this movie since it first came out. I know every line, every song. If dared I can reenact the entire film. Jim Henson and George Lucas work together to make a great fantasy movie. Everyone talks shit about David Bowie’s acting in films hes taken part in. I normally agree to be honest. Hes not the best actor. That being said, the role of Gareth was clearly designed for him and because it was he does a great job with the role. The song Within You (in fact the entire sequence in the film) is one of my faves hence the reason I chose that particular link. I want to cover that song one day. Ugh cant wait!. Its also the first time I think I ever had a crush on a girl. Yeah, I think Jennifer Connelly was my first girl crush. She still is, omg I would looooveeeee to get with Jennifer Connelly she is soo effing beautiful.

4) History
I dont have a link for this, just in general I love history. I love learning about different cultures and different countries. I think the more knowledge you get on different parts of the world, the more of an understanding you get of cultures and why people do what they do. I also think with that knowledge and understanding you are more likely to garner respect for their traditions and cultures. Not to preach but I really think more people need to learn things like that. My love of history and global cultures is something I cherish because there are a lot of things in this life that I know I am not that smart about. Im not saying Im a bimbo or dumb but I have been known to be naive and history is really something I pride myself on knowing. Its the one thing I can actually say I love knowing about and love helping people with when they want to learn about it as well. I make an awesome tour guide when I can haha.

5)The Cloisters/Fort Tryon Park

I love this place. When I was little my uncle and godfather brought me here to the medeival festival ( I was like 12) and I will get into the festival in a moment, but the place alone is mesmerizing. Its actually one of my favorite places to be in New York. Its in Washington Heights and you forget you are actually in the city. A friend of mine calls it Helms Deep (because like me he is a lord of the rings nerd) and well, it actually looks like it. Its the perfect place for a medieval festival. The Cloisters itself is a monastery that was originally built in Europe but when the order was moved to New York, they wanted their monastery to come with, so they numbered each stone and dismantled it. When they got here, they put the stones back together in numerical order. When I first went there, the numbers were still on the stones, but faded. Sadly they are now all gone but the European Medieval Art is prevalent. Its got gorgeous relics and a few chapels. When I really get married it would be really posh and expensive yet cool if I could get married there. Outside the Cloisters, the grounds of Fort Tryon park is amazing. You can see the Hudson River and you actually forget you are in an urban city. If you look for a place to relax and just be at one with yourself and your surroundings this is the place for it

6) Renaissance Fairs/Medieval Festivals
I love them. I know there is a nerd quality to it all however being a history buff, loving britain, loving the clothing, how can I not love them. There are jousts, people dressed as knights, kings, queens, maidens, faeries, monks, scribes, blacksmiths, wenches, pirates, and goth kids just blend the fuck in! LOL. Corsets galore and tits just ready to pop! I love corsets and everytime I go I wish I had a cool one. They also sell really cool costumes, trinkets, art, makeup, face painting, psychics. They also have entertainers, poets, mandolin players, singers singing songs from that era of time, dancers, magicians, jokers, gypsies. They put on great shows and its one of the few times I think any parent is capable of having their kids sit in a circle quietly while a man dressed as a monk tells stories to children. Like I know they have story time in nursery school but its not the same. I actually saw it yesterday and I stood mesmerized. It was actually beautiful to me. It was from another time. As for the food, its the only place a lady can be dainty yet push all that aside while shes gnawing on a huge turkey drumstick like a bear gnawing on its leg in a trap. They sell old fashion style food but of course with gyros, pizza, potato salad, pepsi and candy bars like snickers are sold as well. Its actually awesome when you buy candy and the guy at the booth dressed as one fo the three musketeers says “Here is thou snickers bar, m’lady” LOL Classic.

7) Cyndi Lauper

Ive loved her since the 80s. She was my salvation. She was weird yet talented. A set of pipes that you wouldnt expect from such a tiny little woman. She waas wild and crazy yet you can tell that the persona wasnt something that she used in her personal life. Like she was a regular woman who just looked wild and was who she was. Basically she wasnt trashing hotel rooms, doing a bunch of drugs and getting into the papers about it. She loved her mom and made sure the world knew it. She had her mom in so many of her videos. She also became famous fairly late in her life although she didnt look it. While most entertainers in the 80s were in their early 20s she was already in her 30s but showed she could be just as innovated and new as the next person. Shes my inspiration. At 34, Im not worried about becoming known late. I know I can still do it. Cyndi is 50 something now and she can still be powerful when she performs. The True Colors tour is going strong and I will go to one next year I vow to afford it lol!

8) Real Estate/Interior Design
Ever since I was little, we struggled with money. We were on welfare once. A neighbor called child services on my mom because I was home alone when I was 6 however thankfully being a latch key during those days wasnt as illegal as it is now. Mom also worked for Child Services so that was a bonus. I also had the rest of the neighborhood looking after me cuz everyone (aside from that racist bitch) loved my mom. We always barely made it by. I learned to cook, clean, and balance a check book before I reached junior high. Due to all of that and my vivid imagination I have always been able to combine the two and imagine buying a home and decorating it. I would go to libraries and get decorating books and look through the Pennysave and format how much money i would need to buy the home, buy furniture, etc and figure out how much it would all be. To this day I go online look at real estate and then figure out how would I decorate it. I love doing it, it basically means when the time comes that I can afford my own home I will know how to budget my place and still make it look awesome.

9) Cooking
Well since I was home a lone a lot I had to cook for myself. Most kids at 6 werent allowed to use the stove cuz of the whole fire thing but I had to figure it out. Of course at first I was lousy at it and when my uncle realized I had to do these things on my own, he figured since he went to culinary school he might as well teach me the basics. Thankfully he did and i figured out how to make a decent sandwich, make eggs, cook a chicken in the oven, etc. He only taught me the basics though. As time went on I thought it was boring so I started experimenting and I learned how to make pretty decent food. I loved experimenting and then taste testing all my food. Of course, as you can see to this day, there was a downside to it all….. but whatever, I may be a big girl but at least I know what a peanut butter cheesecake tastes like mmmmm……

10. The 80s

Everything 80s. The music the movies, the tv, the people, the cartoons, the toys, the clothes, the video games. It was all so awesomely ridiculous. We didnt think so then, but when you look back now, its just soooo much fun to think about and be nostalgic about. I mean you the the 80s you think neon, fluorescent, synthesizers. It was a time where people just kept on going with ideas… and aquanet. The 80s impacted me in music and acting. MTV made it so that every type of music was visible. You could choose which you liked. I liked sooo many different types I was able to blend my own sound. I love the idea of having different influences in my music hence the reason when people ask me what type of music I sing I always have a hard time answering because its a mix of a lot of things lol. As for acting, all these different types of movies and tv shows would come out with ridiculous plot lines and they sounded feasible. I wanted to be princess leia, I wanted to be Sarah, I wanted to be Atreyu ( I also WANTED Atreyu… omg Noah Hathaway, he was 12 I was 8, yum) It made me realize that anything was possible. I love the 80s and I love the nostalgia.

Music Review: Ani DiFranco

October 5, 2009
Ani Difranco

Ani Difranco

Ani Difranco really didnt come to my attention until Lilith Fair really got going. Thats one of the many great things that came about with the invention of Lilith Fair. All these female artists who were making the music circuit and even though they were signed and playing venues, they really were virtually ignored until there was a concert devoted to musicians just like them.

When you think of Ani (pronounced “Ahhhneee”) you think of patchouli smelling feminist women (some bi, some straight, some lesbian… ok more lesbian and bi than straight) who wear flannel and dont shave their pits who love folk rock and poetry. Well, you would be right however despjte my wording, thats not a bad thing. I love Ani!!!

I always feel bad for her though cuz shes always pigeon holed into being a certain way. Shes bisexual and discusses that at length in her songs. She is a feminist icon and women look to her as someone who isnt afraid to say whats on her mind. Not only is she a great lyricist shes also a pretty amazing poet and on her albums she will have soley spoken word poems alongside her folk rock music.

A few years ago she married a man and the worst thing happened. Something that will now make me go on a rant…

Ani Difranco as I said became a feminist icon and being bisexual, lesbian and bisexual women loved her. When she married Andrew Gilchrist, a sound engineer whom she worked with often all these women who claimed their love and respect for her being who she is turned their backs on her. So many people were offended, agitated, pissed off, and betrayed by her.

Really? She opens her heart to you all in her music, tells you flat out shes bisexual (remember, bi sexual meaning she liked BOTH MEN AND WOMEN) and she marries someone of the opposite sex and you feel betrayed? Im sorry but fans really have issues when it comes to figuring out what stance you fall on. I as a bisexual woman have a tendency to get very agitated by this double standard (as you can see).

So if your bisexual you are allowed to be loved by both men and women but once you fall in love with a man, its wrong? Is that really how it works? I really hate when women who are bi or lesbian claim to be open minded, want to be respected for their way of life and then become hypocrites and be upset if someone is bisexual and believes that love shouldnt have to do with gender, it should be about how you feel about the person.

Ok rant done for now. Lets get back to the greatness that is Ani. Ani has made a name for herself in the folk genre, feminist genre, indie genre. Indie is the best place for Ani. Its the best place for ANYONE who wants to make a career in music where they can say whatever the fuck they want, not bow down to the powers that be (in 1989 she made her own label,Righteous Records) and do what they love. She just seems like a down home girl that loves talking politics, religion, life, love, you name it and not give a fuck what others think. You dont love her, whatever, she doesnt fucking know you so why should she care. You love her, awesome shes sincerely honored to have your attention and does her best to make sure you enjoy her.

There are two songs by her (well I love more than two but anyways…)that always stick with me. 32 Flavors basically talks about how she knows how she is perceived but is making sure you know she is worth more than you think she is. “I am a poster girl with no poster I am 32 Flavors and then some, I am beyond your peripheral vision so you might want to turn your head”. Alana Davis covered it and both are great but knowing those words came from Ani herself, it just shows how attentive she is. My other favorite is Not a Pretty Girl. A line like “What if there were no damsel in distress, what if I knew that and called your bluff, dont you think every kitten figures out how to get down whether or not you ever show up!”

God those lines! I hear those lines and I get this grin on my face like Wowww she really knows how to put people in their place. I feel like I relate to soo many negative experiences shes gone through in her life. The difference is, she knows exactly how to handle herself in them and knows what to say meanwhile I can only think them. Its like she takes the words out of my mouth. I gotta love that. Whenever I am feeling like Ive been pushed aside from someone because I am not attractive enough or special enough, I can put one of her songs on and it makes me feel bold and strong and I can remember that they can never break me!

Ok video time: Sadly I could only find one, and I must be honest I didnt even remember the song. Its not one I listen to often. However its a good song and will do just fine!