Archive for June, 2010

You know what’s awesome?

June 15, 2010

You know what I find really awesome? Its one of many things but what really makes me happy lately are smiles. I know, it sounds stupid but its true. When you are smiled at, it just makes you feel a little better. Even when you are feeling like crap and everything is going wrong, when someone smiles at you, you truly have no other option but to smile back.

I mean, ok, TECHNICALLY, you dont HAVE to. However if you dont you make the person feel awkward or bad or insult them and they’ve done nothing but be nice enough to smile at you so why on earth wouldn’t you? So you do it and you know what? It makes you feel a lot better.

I have been feeling so BLAH lately. Not truly depressed but just have tons on my mind and I guess just a bit overwhelmed. There isnt much lately that I feel fabulous about.

Don’t misunderstand, I have high hopes and truly have been hopeful, inspired, determined, and damn proud of myself for having that and feeling that. However I dunno, I guess I just dont feel so accomplished lately. Im holding myself back I suppose.

At any rate it leaves this blah feeling inside. I walk down the street by myself, feeling lonely, and I look up and get a random smile. It makes my day.

Well… my few minutes or hour.

It just makes me feel better because one of the things I dont believe people realize about being overweight is what we perceive or feel from other people. I think everyone assumes the dread that we have is to be made fun of. That our daily routine includes chastisement because as children that is in fact what we get from our fellow classmates who see us everyday.

When you are a grown up, yeah it does happen but not as often. What do we really get dealt with? Invisibility. Utter disregard and invisibility.

What was once chastisement has become non existence. When you are big and you are in a bar, you dont get the remarks or the staring. You actually get flat out ignored. When walking down the street people generally just look the other way and say nothing to you. You are not worthy of attention.

I know some people like that but as someone who is an entertainer, yeah it bugs me. So when I am walking down the street or on the train or the bus and someone just smiles at me and goes about their business they are not just passing off a minimal facial expression. They are saying “Hello, I see you, have a nice day” and they go about their business. I am worthy of a smile. I am worthy of acknowledgment. Its a great feeling.

The other thing that happens with a smile is you feel motivated to do it yourself. Once Im smiled at, I can guarantee that Im smiling at other people throughout the day and there are a few others who will smile back thus extending that good feeling.

And that good feeling I get, I spread to others so its like paying it forward. Its pretty awesome.

Its weird too, when I go down to PR and people do it much more frequently than here in the insane city that is NYC at first you question it. “Do I know them?”, “is there something on my face?”, “are they flirting with me?”. No that’s just how they go about their day.

Not to mention the fact that they will also say “Hello”, and “Have a Nice Day”. (In Spanish of course), men give up their seats on buses just out of custom and what not. When that happens, you cant help but be in a good mood.

I know its not just in PR it happens in the South too. Im sure it happens in other places more often as well however here in NYC not often enough.

However, in the meantime, while I inhabit this kick ass city, I will cherish each smile I get since I am fully aware how hard they are to come by.

Smile New York!!!!

Men, please read this……

June 13, 2010

Don't set yourself up for this

So I notice this trend of men cheating or just flat out doing inappropriate/questionable actions in their relationships.

Look guys, I got nothing against you. I personally have issues with monogamy. I don’t believe in it. That’s just me though! You all aren’t dating me! Trust me, I am the VIRGIN Whore remember? I’m not with anyone so I KNOW I’m not with any of you guys. You all choose to be in relationships with women who DON’T think like me and logically (and rightfully so) demand commitment, monogamy, and trust. If you choose this, don’t be an idiot and fuck it up.

I know, I know. You truly love your significant others but your brain always pushes the “what if” in you. Its OK to look at the menu boys, you don’t order anything nor do you ask for a fucking sample!

If you know your significant other, like you claim you do, (In fact, I KNOW you do, don’t act like you don’t) don’t give into temptation and then lie about it.

You know your girlfriend (or boyfriend if you’re gay) is going to find out. I know you want to convince yourself that its nothing and that he or she wont but let the brain work and realize, YEAH, they will totally find out. They always do.

Look, you chose to be in this type of relationship. If you don’t want it anymore or want to try something new, then don’t take those next steps that happen as a relationship grows. Keep it where it is and take a break. If you are having feelings for someone else and think you MAY act on them, then trust me, you’ve already cheated. Your love and trust just jumped out the window because you wont let the person you claim to love know that you need some space and therefore you are being a selfish prick because you don’t seem to give a fuck about that person’s trust in you. Communicate. Its gonna hurt dude, seriously. I wont lie, I mean its gonna hurt when they find out you were a dick too so at least they cant accuse you of dishonesty. If in fact you separate and act on your temptation, if it doesn’t work out, there is a high possibility that the relationship can be salvaged.

But you are in fact men and sad to say it, your dicks have a tendency to make you believe it is your brain so therefore you always act on those impulses. So you did do the stupid thing and cheat or just do something you know you shouldn’t have done. Lets take it from there.

So well, you’ve just destroyed the person you love’s trust in you. I mean you did. You may not think its a big deal or maybe you do and you are gutted.

Look, I know you guys make mistakes I personally can respect that and would more than likely react differently but like I said, I’m not like most girls. I may even be wrong in my own way of thinking, who knows, who cares? This isn’t about me though, this is about you and YOUR loved one.

You got a LOT of damage control to do. You can sit there and tell them you would never do it again and hell you can even mean it. Its not going to be enough guys. I’m sorry but now you’ve turned this relationship into school or prison. You have to earn every little thing you want. You have to work harder than ever cuz that little fuck up you did, even if you think its nothing, tarnished that person’s vision of a Godsend that you were to them. You are no longer the boyfriend that can do no wrong. You are the lying manipulative sleazy man that they invested their lives into and they have two options: Leave you because they don’t know you anymore and refuse to be THAT person that lets their boyfriends do things like that because they are weak. OR they stay and feel imprisoned or weak because they don’t want to leave you but feel like they don’t know you anymore. Remember, they are in this relationship with you because they felt all this time you are THE ONE and where their life is supposed to be. Now they will question that. Yet feel like because no other man was better than you, there is nowhere else to go.

Is their life supposed to be with someone they cant trust or be as happy as they used to be? I mean that’s whats in their heads guys. You just proved that what they thought of you is altered. You fucked up royally.

If you TRULY love this person and really want it to work. You are going to have to sacrifice so many things that you once took for granted. You will no longer be allowed to just come and go as you pleased. When you hang out with your friends you will no longer be able to do so without 20 questions from your significant other and if those friends of yours allowed you to screw your relationship up and your loved one KNOWS about it. Don’t ever think those friends will be respected by your loved one anymore. They are in that person’s eyes worse than you because they didn’t care enough to stop you. You will have no personal space because your computer will be monitored as will your phone. You will have to do so much to prove your love aside from taking them out, and telling them that you love them more often than you used to.

Was it really worth it to fuck up your relationship?

If this were me, I don’t think you would have as many issues. Don’t get me wrong, I demand trust and respect. If you intend on sleeping around you better tell me that you are wanting to see other people. Especially if I would want an open relationship which I will more than likely want. I mean there is no point in lying then. However if you lie to me despite that, then fuck it, you are no longer worthy of my time cuz I give you a LOT of leeway. Lying about relations when you are in an open relationship is stupid.

However most of society isn’t down with those type of relationships. They believe in monogamy and they have every right to. More power to them and more power to you for wanting to be in one but to go in knowing that this can happen, you are a fool for expecting your relationship to overcome situations like this easily.

Men, don’t worry, I know women cheat too, but lately you guys have been in the media a lot for doing it. It just seems like I hear about guys in the press and guys within my circle just fucking up their relationships and I just don’t get why you would put yourselves in these relationships.

So men, if you want to keep your relationships strong. Make sure you don’t think with your penis. If you have a temptation just take it on a given that acting on it, even if you don’t go all the way but still lie, is going to ruin things.

If you ruin things and want to fix them, you got A LOT of work to do.

Please read the article before reading my opinion…

June 11, 2010

Empire State Building Won’t Light Up for Mother Teresa’s 100th Birthday.

Ok so after reading this I was pretty on the fence. Here is why…..

They are both hypocritical.

What I side on with The Empire State Building:

1. This is a privately owned building. They reserve the right to do whatever the hell they want. If they don’t want to put lights up for Mother Theresa, stupid or not, that’s their decision and no one should persecute them for that.

2. Its a tricky deal to do something to celebrate a religious figure in this country. There are many religions out there and if you choose one person you have to choose another, if you don’t people will accuse you of discriminating. Then TONS of different religious groups will be in your face on a constant basis. This is a privately owned office building. To focus on that topic alone would take a lot of time that working people dont have.

3.  Wasting electricity during a recession really isnt the best idea. To put the lights up so often would cost a lot of money and a lot of energy. As to whether Mother Theresa is a cut off point, thats a personal opinion that they voted on and if thats their decision thats their decision.

What I DON’T side on with The Empire State Building:

1. It’s actually supposed to be a big deal here in NYC. Supposedly there will be functions throughout the NYC area not only in Manhattan but Brooklyn and Queens as well. They seem to be passing it off as not a big deal and they are clearly mistaken or misinformed.

2. They are not being asked to have the lights on for more than one night. I dont see how much energy it would take to have different colors up when they have lights on every night anyways.

3. Ok this is the big issue I have. The owners Anthony Malkin claimed “As a privately owned building, ESB has a specific policy against any other lighting for religious figures or requests by religions and religious organizations,” meanwhile they have raised the lights for Pope John Paul II and Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. just to name two. So to use the excuse of not raising the lights for religious figures is bullshit. Right there they are being the biggest hypocrites. Shes a Nobel Peace Prize winning woman who devoted herself to peace and helping the poor, you should be able to raise the lights for her for one night.

However…. like I said. Its  a privately owned building. If they don’t want to raise the lights. Whatever, don’t raise the lights and be that way. Now… for the Catholic League.

What I side with them on:

1. Religious holidays are recognized on occassion at The Empire State Building. There is no real reason why Mother Theresa shouldnt be acknowledged. Like I said above, The Empire State Building is being hypocritical.

2. The entire city will be celebrating her 100th birthday. The Empire State Building will just be out of it.

Yeah…. that’s truly all I side on with The Catholic League. I have a lot of issues with the Catholic League.  Its truly hard for me to side with them however I did my best. I do see their points but thats really all I can side with….. Now….

What I DONT side with them on:

1. Look, just cuz you want someone to recognize your religious festivities doesn’t mean if they don’t they are horrible people. Back off. The whole Catholic League really shouldn’t take this “Either you recognize us or you will be persecuted by us and The Church and God” route because you pretty much give people reason NOT to support you because that is considered threatening. You asked you didn’t get it. Move on.

2. As you read, you are not the ONLY people denied lights. The US Military were denied as Im sure tons of other organizations were denied. Join the club.

3. Speaking of, out of ALL the religious festivities that The Empire State Building has put lights up for this is ONE out of many that they decided not to. Are you really going to go on this tangeant for one thing? Spoiled much?

4.Despite their policy on not putting the lights up for religious figures, they put up the lights for Pope John Paul the II and for Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Yet even though this went against their policy you STILL expect them to go against it yet again for someone else. Again, spoiled much?

5. The one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way: The President of the Catholic League HIMSELF actually said “To stiff Mother Teresa while giving this honor to every other Tom, Dick and Harry is not going to sit well with Catholics,”. Ummm so as a Catholic League President, you consider the Pope and Martin Luther King Jr just every Tom, Dick, or Harry? Really Bill Donohue? Really?!?! I’m sorry but as president of the league I would ASSUME you got that position because you could at least word your opinions better. Clearly I am mistaken.

Look, here is my bottom line: I’m not as religious as I guess my Catholic upbringing should have made me. I got issues with the Catholic Church however that doesn’t change the fact that I think Mother Theresa was a great woman who deserves the recognition. Yes, I do think The Empire State Building should have been nicer and put the lights up but I really believe this being a major deal and people going into an uproar about it is a bit pathetic. No one ESPECIALLY Mother Theresa would have wanted people complaining about this like they have been.

Its a bunch of light coming from a freaggin building, people. I really dont think Mother Theresa would care. Get over it. People have their opinions and they have private property if they dont want to do what you want them to do, move on, feel better about yourself being a better person than them and move on and celebrate on your own.

Yikes…. I hate these moments….

June 9, 2010

Ugh! Just one of those moments.....

You ever have one of those moments where you really dont want to do something but you feel after recent events you just HAVE to?

Yet what you need to do is really worrisome and freaks you out so you are extremely nervous and scared yet you do get the strength and do it.

Then once its done you are automatically thinking “Oh God whyyy did I do that? OMG this is going to be a disaster and drama full and I dont want that!” and its too late to take it back?

Yeah. Me. Right now.

Better days

June 8, 2010

This isnt the space I went to but I can imagine the possibilities!

So after my last post a lot has gone through my head. I won’t lie despite feeling driven and determined and positive of my capabilities and future success. When people say such negative things, even if you know its not true, your self esteem is still shaken…. and not stirred haha. Bad line I know but its actually true. I am really still shaken up and bruised but it hasnt stopped me nor has it made me feel like I cant accomplish anything.

Since Friday I have been really self conscious. It doesnt last long at all for the most part, I do get over it but it still pops up in my head. I was at work on Saturday and I felt like all eyes were on me. I would walk down the street and feel like people were checking me out… all in a bad way. Like I was being judged and looked down upon. I went to an awesome Art collective deal in Bushwick. All types of performance art. The False Alarms were going to play. It was a great idea. No air conditioning though and I was exhausted from work. I tried to stay but the lack of certainty of when they would play, the heat, the chaotic nature of it all (I know I dont get why it seemed “chaotic” but I was very disoriented by so many things going on there) made me feel the need to just go home. The sealer of that deal in all honesty was as more people showed up more “pretty girls” showed up. I just became more and more uncomfortable both physically and mentally. I do regret leaving though. I missed my friends play and I blame myself for that. I know its only one show but still I wish I had the power to stay.

Despite this, there are good things in my head. I swear! LOL.

This art project thing that I went to. Really was inspiring. I was jealous but in a good way. I guess thats the definition of ENVY not JEALOUSY. Jealousy includes anger and resentment. I wasnt any of that. Envy includes jealousy but instead of anger and resentment its pride respect and joy. Youre happy the person is doing whatever it is that they are doing but wish it was happening for you too. So yes, after that definition, yes I was envious and not jealous. Anyways moving on….

Like I said I was inspired. Basically there were actors who performed live improv, mimes and dancers doing performance art, art on the walls and exhibits, and bands performing. Along with this there was a skateboard ramp in the space, and a dog and cat roaming the warehouse. The whole space used to be a knitting factory and many of the artists there live within this space. To live in a space and have it as a performance space? Fabulous!

I wish I had that. However I dont think I would want a roomate. I’m selfish. To me, where I live is MY space. I don’t want to share. I want a haven to go to where I dont have to worry about boundaries and just be myself. I feel like having to live with boundaries and respect other people’s space is a very important thing but if you live alone its one less worry. I already live with my mother, I dont need to have more people living with me. I could tolerate living with my mom even more though because the space would be bigger.

The art festival itself was a great and brilliant concept. There were galleries and exhibits of art everywhere, performance artists, bands of course, and an improv group that did awkward or uncomfortable conversations and were filming it. The only issue I had was the organization of it. Making sure things were there for bands like PA’s and Drum kits, having exact time slots to follow, having it organized properly. That type of thing. It seemed like it was just being spontaneously done which I suppose is a very existential and carefree way of handling things but I dunno it just made me want to do this myself!

I could have a space that would be more smooth and open, uhh have a.c’s in the building or at least fans. I would be much more detailed when it came to time slots and organization. I would have a host. I believe its a great way to make money and get artists expressions of their creativity out there. I am capable.

The space is so easy to multi task in. I would have bands rent out the space to rehearse during the day and evening during the week, record, etc. I would have filmakers use the space to make videos, rehearsals for acting, dancing, you name it. Then on weekends I could use it as a space for talent to come and show off their work. It would be awesome.

I really am determined to get this done. I think its what needs to be done. I say that a lot but as time goes on and as the experiences in my life add up, the determination and the willpower is actually growing. I dont know if anyone even knows what that feels like. I dont have sex but I can only imagine it feels this good.

That which does not destroy us, makes us stronger….

June 4, 2010

The Drama of Drama

Today I had a great and worst moment. It was one in the same. I dont ever truly wish anyone to go through what I did however I wont lie when I say that what I was subjected to today is something that builds character and if you do have to experience what I did this morning and you can overcome it, then you have garnered my utmost respect. You are a compadre!

I had an audition today. I kept it to myself because I notice whenever I have them and I get psyched up and tell people “OMG it went really well” or “I have an audition and its so exciting” people will later on ask me if I had heard anything and I have to tell them no. Its really just how the business goes. You are normally led to believe that there is a possibility of success and most of the time you are let down. You arent even let down the right way all the time, you are just led on. They never call you back they never let you know that they changed their mind, they just disappear. It sucks but hey, thats how it goes. So instead of having people worry about it, I figured for once. I just wouldn’t mention this. I didn’t mention it to Jay. I didn’t even mention it to my MOM. I just thought I would go and see what happens. Well, get ready to hear some fucked up shit… to put it mildly.

The audition was being held for an off broadway musical. Yeah, this is the other reason I was keeping it quiet. I hate doing live theater. Its tedious, scary, and then boring cuz you have to do the same thing over and over and over again for MONTHS. Not to mention the fact that the acting in live theater with all due respect to my friends who do it, is lame. Its over the top and over expressive. I get why, dont get me wrong, Im not saying that it shouldnt be that way. On the contrary it HAS to be, there are no close up screenshots when doing a live show, you have to make sure the guy in the nosebleed seats can tell you are confused or sad or angry or whatever the hell expression you make on your face so you have no choice BUT to over exagerrate your facial expressions and words.

That being said, I need money and I can do live theater. Just cuz I dont like it, doesnt mean I cant do it. I get to sing, I get to act. Both things that I love. The musical is supposed to be about a group of women who are trying to make it in the business in the 1930s and 1940s. Its supposed to be focused on the living arrangements and all the women who live in the building. Not bad. I can pull it off.

They said bring one song with you preferably a DISNEY song. (wtf right ?!?!) I did. I decided to do “A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes” . Its from Cinderella people. Its a beautiful song and my mom would sing it to me when I was a baby…. she made up the words though she couldnt speak english well then, but either way it was a great song haha.

Look when doing an audition you have to do something that you know not many people will do. It doesnt have to be EXTREMELY unique but if you know in your heart that most of those women are gonna sing either A Whole New World or Circle of Life or some song from The Little Mermaid, go for something different. They will appreciate that entirely. Casting for shows is boring after a while. You end up forgetting who sang the better version of the song after a while. The song I picked is relevant to the era of the musical (or at least closer to it) and Disney. Boom! Got it! I will say right now, that is the ONLY thing that they approved of from me!

So a bunch of girls go in. I got there at 8 because they told me to be there by 9 and I know how cattle call auditions are. They take forever. I got my number and waiting. Yes, most of the girls were thin, beautiful, and dancers. There were a few of us though that werent thin, one girl was bigger than me. Some girls were thin but not attractive. So yeah I was nervous but I wasnt TOO nervous. Most girls go in and they all come out smiles. Some came out smiling even if they didnt get it. They were just happy to have the opportunity to audition for this “prominent casting director” which I never heard of. And of course, we heard a bunch of girls sing A Whole New World from Alladin and Part of Your World from Little Mermaid. By 930, one girl did come out crying but honestly she sang HACUNA MATATA! What the hell? She sang like 2 lines, we heard laughter and she stormed out. She was kinda off though I wont lie. She was talking to herself before and people kept on moving away from her cuz she smelled funny. Yeah it happens.

So I go in by 10. Im out by 10:10 or 10:15. Here’s why:

I go in, I hear “Oh boy. Ok uhhh,..pshhh fine. uhh state your name,, wait (to the person next to her) what time is it? .. oh I guess then, yeah state your name and age and the song please….”

Yeah already it sounds like she doesnt even want to deal with me but I pretend like everything is Hunky Dory.

“Natalia McCarty 34 years old A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Make from Cinderella”

The woman at the piano starts playing I looked at her before and she seems so happy but I think it was just relief cuz no one sang it. So I sing it. In its entirety. Its not a long song at all. It took less than 2 minutes.

I was done, and the piano lady clapped. The guy next to the casting director clapped and I saw a smile. Nothing from the casting director. Then she proceeds to go off on me.

“I have to admit I dont know why I bothered, I didnt want you in this show the moment you walked in the room. I wont lie though you got a great voice and thank you for not doing a crap song its unfortunate that you look the way you do. How old are you?”


“did you just start getting into the business?”


“You mean to tell me that youve been doing this for a while, and I can only assume you dont get work and yet you still havent gotten the clue that you are too damn ATROCIOUS for this business??? Have you looked in the mirror honey? You are sickening and what gets me is that you are TRYING to be beautiful! I hate fat women who try to be beautiful when you are unhealthy pigs!”

I wish I was joking. I couldnt believe that not only was this coming from a casting director but from a WOMAN. Look, I got no problem with people having issues with plus sized women but to be so abusive was too much. I couldnt just let the bitch go on like that. I looked down at the piano lady and she was shocked. Her counterpart though was giggling. He apparently thought it was perfectly ok to say those things. I had to say something. I tried to be professional though.

“Im sorry you feel that way however there is no need for you to be verbally abusive, you are aware that what you just said to me was down right insulting, you could have simply said you dont want a plus sized woman in the show. There are women bigger than me who act. Its a shame that Im not in a union otherwise Im sure this is reportable” and I proceeded to walk out but of course she tried to sugar coat it because she really was bottom line racist againt plus sized people, I mean, unhealthy pig, really?

“look I apologize if I went over the line but honest to God you big women have to realize that no one wants to see that on the big screen, Im so tired of seeing plus sized women trying to be normal. Im aware a lot of people are big but just because thats true it doesnt mean it SHOULD be normal. I had a rough day, I just realized I crossed the line and I am truly sorry but no, this isnt ok and I dont want it Im sorry. Lose some weight and get back into the business then. Not now, I am not surprised you are looking for work, according to your resume you have done nothing of importance and this is clearly why”

All I could muster up without crying and breaking down was “I feel so sorry for you. You are a sad sad woman.” and I walked out. As I walked out she proceeded to tell her assistant to go out there and see if there are any other big women and tell them to go home. When I turned the corner and looked back, the other plus sized women were leaving as well. I was crying at this point and they all came up to me and asked me what happened. I proceeded to tell them and ONE of the women is in fact AFTRA. I got her info and she told me to write out everything that happened because even though Im not in the union she is and she can tell the union what the casting director said and did. Its all hearsay but they are allowed to keep record. At least if it happens again she will get a notice or something. It may not amount to anything but I feel better having done at least that.

I cried the train ride home. This casting director who is a woman, blatantly expressed hatred against plus sized women. She basically said she didnt think I should be acting. Even though she admitted I was talented. I probably even had the best audition. I didnt get to act though. She wouldnt give me the opportunity but I know I would have killed it! I just couldnt believe this woman had the power to say what she said and believed she had the power to get rid of me from the business. What always kills me is that believe it or not the most hurtful when it comes to appearance is almost always WOMEN. I dont get it. We as women all know the trials and tribulations of appearance and following the trends that are supposed to be deemed as beautiful and attractive. We know how hard it is yet we are still capable of just ripping each other to shreds verbally and making us feel horrible about ourselves. Its just ridiculous and sad.

I know a lot of people who if they had experienced what I experienced would quit. Not me. If anything this drives me to prove this sorry ass bitch WRONG because she IS wrong. Even without me, its so clear how wrong she is! There are tons of plus sized women in the business who have success and we ARE beautiful and deserve to be shown as such.

You dont understand. This woman was a shadow in the dark but her shadow was this frail, bony, clearly wrinkly (when she moved her arm, even though it was bony, skin was flapping), who also had a big nose and greyish hair. See, she may be classified as “ugly” I honestly just saw those features so Im not sure but still, I wouldnt go and insult and tell her everything about her is just wrong. I just dont get how you can look like that which is clearly not what the media likes either and still go off on me. This just made it more evident to me that she was NO ONE to judge me.

I cried because I was insulted. I wasnt broken though. I am determined to make sure this woman sees how wrong she is. I dont care if she still thinks the way she does, she is the one that has to live with herself not me. I will more than likely never see her again. I never knew her name, I never heard of her before therefore who the fuck is she. What I do know is that I am talented, I am beautiful, I am worthy, and I will get what I want. Fuck her and fuck anyone in the business who thinks like her.

Dont let people like her ever ruin your dream. If you want it bad enough and work to get it you will. If they wont hire you, hire yourself! Be the person that makes the business. Its time that big women were also casting directors, directors, producers, who would hire anyone regardless of their looks.

If anyone of my friends ever feels as battered as I did today yet still confident they will win, then you will!