Archive for September, 2010

Let’s put this blog back into a positive light shall we?

September 24, 2010

Pics of Williamsburg always make me happy

So my last post was very anger filled. I will tell you in all honesty that blog took me over two weeks to post because I didnt want to do it. I just really felt that I HAD to. So only minutes after posting that blog, I feel the need to put some positivity back up in here!

Tons of stuff to make me happy. Wanna see ’em? Well check it out!:

1. I got a mac. The cd drive is already busted but I hooked up my external drive so its all gravy baby! I’m teaching myself some garageband and imovie. Jay’s gonna help me with the garageband stuff but its already helping me come up with melodies for songs. Despite the early drama (within a week of owning it, it started giving me crap but no worries now) I am still loving every minute of my mac.

2. With this mac, I got a new desk too! Its grey and glass. Bigger than my old one and ohhhhh boy is it sturdy! It rocks.

3. I got new pics within the last few months. My new friend Stephanie Sacchi is an awesome multi talented person who took some kick ass pics. Girl needs to get PAID for her work cuz it is worthy of some economic backing. Here is one pic she did of me:

Done right at Flushing Meadow Park by Stephanie Sacchi


I also got to pose for photographer Sheri Manson, http://sherimanson.com/ an no I am not posting that pic up here. Why? Well because… I …. posed…. NUDE!!!
Yup that’s right I all size 24/26 of me posed nude. I gotta say it felt great. It might have to do with the fact that I posed for a photographer who has been featured in Time Magazine and is an amazing photographer. It also has to do with the fact that its a woman. Now, no offense to men photographers, its not like I wont model for them, just not nude. I have certain fears about it. I dunno why, dont ask me. However being completely nude and carrying a conversation the whole time like nothing was odd about the situation felt so good. It really helped my self esteem too. Being a big girl, I always hate my body. I never think my naked body is attractive. I do look in the mirror thinking “well, I wouldnt want to fuck this”. I know its horrible HOWEVER its not like no one else has said that to themselves. Basically I never wanted to show anything because I never thought anyone would WANT to see it. I had that fear of someone looking and going “eww”. Now believe it or not… I kinda wanna show the pic to everyone haha. I mean Im not shy about it. A little timid but aside from me being completely naked, its a great picture. Sheri Manson really knows how to work with lighting and she made it art and I cant wait to work with her again.

4.) My job may FINALLY start paying me bi weekly instead of months at a time. This isnt definite of course but omg if it is, it will help out so much more.

5.) Money issues have been….improving. They arent brilliant but this time last year, we were broke. Mom was crying every night. I’ve been able to go to restaurants once in a while. We arent eating steaks every night but I love trying out new restaurants and we have been trying some great ones. the most expensive one we went to was two days ago and that was only cuz my sister is awesome and gave me a gift certificate that certainly made it easier to go. Thanks to her I also got to shop at my favorite store, Redress NYC. Got some cute shirts. Very happy. Will be going back soon.

6.) The JSE album is really close to being done. Its been a long time coming but I am determined to have a record release party when its done!

7.) I had given up on throwing parties cuz I felt that either no one wanted to deal with the hassle of coming out to Queens or no one really had fun. However I gave it another go a few weeks ago. Nothing major, just 3 or 4 friends and they all recommended I throw more get togethers so Im gonna! Im happy people actually want to spend time at my place.

8.) I ate alligator! It was awesome! Thats it!

9.) My friends rock. You all really do. We may have our flaws but I have felt nothing but positive energy from so many of you and I hope I can reciprocate.

I’m gonna sound off

September 24, 2010

MY TURN TO BITCH!

Ok so as of late I have had a lot of pretty cool things happen. I got a new desk that wont collapse on top of me, (woohoo!!) Annnnnnd…

I am typing this blog from my new iMac!!! Thats right folks! One of my major goals and dreams have happened. I can say that this year was my year. Sure not everything I wanted to happen, happened but I got some things accomplished and thats good enough for me. Besides, the year isnt over yet!

So, despite such great things, lately I have been just watching my facebook. I see friends and acquaintances post their status updates and I just shake my head. Not all of my friends but many people I know on facebook have just been very vocal about their opinions concerning politics, religion, race, etc. Dont get me wrong, its great to be vocal and here I am doing the same thing so I dont judge on that its just… I dunno, its all been so negative. Everyone is complaining about EVERYTHING.

Now I’m not blind. A lot of stuff has been happening lately that is worthy of many a complaint however, so many of these friends of mine have just blatantly stopped talking about themselves and just focus on what is pissing them off. I mean I do it too but I make sure I update about myself. I mean thats the purpose of facebook. To see how people are doing. How are YOU doing? Whats going on with YOU? I already know about the mosque, and the politics, and current events, I hear you but where the hell are YOU?

So just to get it out of the way, here’s my view on everything going on lately and yeah, Im highly aware many of my friends will be angry and Im sorry but fuck you, I dont agree with you and to be very honest it saddens me how many people I know are truly blinded by upbringing and brainwashing. Open your fucking eyes and do some fucking research before saying shit. You have no idea how stupid you sound some of you, seriously. I’m not a rocket scientist, in fact I am well aware that many of my friends think Im flakey and a bit naive but Im not a dumbass…. I am just taking the time out here on my blog to vent my own opinion on everything because I refuse to dwell on drama and have it especially attacked on facebook. These are just MY opinions and I rather post it here instead of getting backlash on facebook so… moving on.

1.) The mosque. Shut it. Just stop bitching about it. I’m done. I dont want to fucking hear anymore bullshit in regards to it. Their was a mosque within the area PRIOR to 9/11, and they are not building the mosque ON the site, its within a few blocks. Dont give me the “its an insult or its too soon” bullshit because you know what, muslims were killed at 9/11 too if they want to put up a mosque in downtown manhattan, let them. Get over it. There is a lot of fucked up shit going on in this country that we have no choice to put up with, that a community center that promotes awareness and religious tolerance is the LAST thing anyone should be bitching about. Have you seen yourselves on tv making asses out of yourselves, showing the world exactly how INtolerant you are? You’re making us look bad, we already have a lot to be embarrassed about dont add to it.

2) Stop bitching about what a rotten job Obama is doing. Im not saying that cuz I still support the guy, I’m saying it because I got news for all of you: no matter who is in charge, you are not going to be happy. They all suck. Why? Because this country is under the misconception that the President has all the power. That is a lie. He appoints a cabinet to tell him what to do. Then he either agrees or disagrees. We all bitched about Bush, and yeah he sucked. Why? Because he couldnt even pretend that he knew wtf he was doing. Obama at least admits that he is a human being that is TRYING to do the best he can. Is he? Probably not, hes screwed up a lot but a lot of the stuff he has to deal with is stuff that Bush left for him to clean up. I know you guys who love Bush hate when people say that but babies, the bottom line, republicans and democrats BOTH fuck it up. What works? Who knows? We are all human expecting someone of a higher authority to save us from our problems meanwhile they live in it too. No one is going to fix all the worlds problems. Btw I love that they blame Obama for the oil spill. Really people? I had no idea as prerequisite for the job as President you need to know how to build oil rigs and figure out how to stop them should they have a spill. Look he isnt trying to fix things fast enough but he didnt CAUSE it. If you are going to blame anyone blame BP and then the government, and then those who depend on that oil, and then ourselves for not being more aware and willing to use alternative fuel techniques. Stop blaming and just figure out how we can fix things!

3) Read a fucking book!….. dont mean fiction although thats fine, but I mean read history books, books on true crime, books about countries and wars, and art and cultures. I just think if people read more instead of listen to the bullshit news that comes out the television then maybe people would be more rational about why things happen.

4) Genocide is real. Why am I saying that? Because I actually had an argument with someone who tried to tell me that the Armenian Genocide never happened. Look, when more than hundreds of people die and their culture is scarred for life with the memory of family members that suffered and died and their government either did nothing or were the cause, its a fucking genocide. Its not just a “tragedy”, it hurts people today, and to sit their and deny such a horrible thing is like saying “yeah i dont think your people suffered” and thats fucked up.

5) Stop fucking telling me to remember 9/11. How the hell do you expect me to forget? It is the most insulting thing to tell me because you actually think that it meant nothing to anyone except you and you know its not true. I am so tired of these public memorials. I know that sounds horrible but seriously how are the victims and families of them supposed to move on and overcome their sadness? Its bad enough that they are left with financial difficulties, raising children on their own, or whatever other obstacle that comes their way. They don’t need people telling them “Remember 9/11” If you forgot, you have senility, dementia, alzheimers, or brain damage. Even if you DONT remember that day, Im sure you have been informed enough to have an idea.

6) Leave Lady Gaga alone!!! LOL. Seriously. I dont care if you dont like her. I dont like half the shit you people listen to but I respect you enough to not talk too much shit. Yeah she brought former military personnel to the VMAs as a representation of those who were kicked out of the military due to don’t ask don’t tell. So what? Why does her opinion on the situation piss you off so much? Why the fuck do you care? Yeah of course its shameless, shes a mother fucking celebrity!! The gay community is her biggest following. I find it honorable and fucking awesome when a celeb respects the fans that got them where they are. Those former military personnel weren’t bound and dragged there. They went willingly. Just cuz you dont agree doesnt make Gaga someone that deserves to be shit on. Get over it.

7) Ok this is a biggie cuz I know many friends on facebook who are in the military. Let me say this, I applaud you. I respect you. I can never even attempt to assume to know the dramatic and traumatic events you went through. I will never pretend to know what you all go through, what your job entails, and everything that goes with it. Your job is great, your job is a job I would never be able to do. I am a pussy. I am a hands down, pussy. I bow to you all in reverence for what you do for this country. That being said, I really truly HATE violence. I get it, its part of your job. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. I have certain friends AND family members who have posted pics of themselves with their troop all giving the “rock on” horn sign with their fingers while they have their guns to the heads of muslims that are blindfolded. I dont fucking care if they are terrorists, or the devil incarnate. Its not something to be proud of. Im so sorry! You dont see cops arresting a serial killer with a shit eating grin do ya? There is nothing happy about getting someone who has done wrong. If I was in a room with someone who killed people I cared about, innocent victims, I wouldnt be smiling. I would be crying. I would be angry. I would have done the right thing and that requires no fun times. I shouldnt have to see you having fun doing a very serious and tragic job. Also, you can sit there and say its not right if someone in the military is sentenced to the crime of abuse of a muslim inmate or whatever. Its not about the abuse. You are in the military. The job that is known primarily for following orders, and doing everything by protocol. To abuse an inmate, whether they deserve it or not. Is wrong, plain and simple. I dont care if you think the crime isnt as bad as what terrorists do. It doesnt fucking matter. Its the law and its broken. Thats how we are taught and that is what is being punished. I would bust my ass to make sure that people saw me as the model military person. I would want to be the savior. I wouldnt want to do something to tarnish that view. How do you expect other nations to see us as a positive influence on any country if you insist on applauding the violence that I understand very well is necessary but still painful for others to see. We are not Neanderthals anymore. This isn’t Sparta. I know I am no authority but again, I have the right to my own opinion however ill informed you may assume it is. Its still mine. However I will never… stop supporting my troops. I think of you all everyday and always hope that you are all safe and to keep doing the job that a good military person is supposed to do. In my eyes, you all deserve purple hearts just for joining.

8) Ok, from the military to the other gamut. Vegans. LOL. Shut the fuck up. I am not talking about vegetarians or NICE vegans. I am talking about REAL vegans. I got something to say to you people. Leave me the fuck alone and get off your high fiber horse! You know I respect you for going the route of not eating meat or dairy. I get there are many things you refuse to eat and thats fine. However why must you INSIST on making me feel bad for NOT being a vegan? Why must you HATE on anyone who ISNT a vegan? I’ve been at parties where there were vegans and they actually would look at everyone and make the smelling onions face. (You know that face, where the upper lip is curled to the side and the rest of the mouth is in a grimace? … Got the visual?…. Ok good) Just judging everyone for eating things that they wouldnt. Trying to tell me to not eat turkey on Thanksgiving. (Yeah I’m talking to you, Fiona Apple!). Oh and stopping a concert early because you smell a bbq in the distance and therefore smell meat cooking and then announce to the audience “I hope to God it’s human” (Yeah, I’m talking to you too Morrissey!!!). Really? You would stop a concert jerkoff knowing people paid good money to see you because other people are living normal lives in the distance and doing something you just dont approve of? I love your music Morrissey but you truly are a dick. Vegans you also lead me to those who may not even be vegan but just live the lifestyles of organic food only, stop buying corporate, uh… wearing reusable tampons, the diva cup, not shaving, anti vanity. Look. The bottom line is this: If you live a life where you do these things, more power to you. I applaud you living your life the way YOU want to. So therefore, dont persecute me for not living it like YOU. I like to shave, I dont even wear regular tampons, Im stick to maxi pads thank you very much! I love pernil and any meat that exists, I fucking ate alligator this past weekend and it was heavenly! I also dig shopping at whole foods and costco so sue me!

9)Ok another touchy subject. I have many friends who are parents. God bless ya! I’m too selfish to be one. Its too much work and I want to do things for me not a kid. Sorry. But I love looking at pictures of your children, Im sure they are lovely and when I can I try to comment. No issue with pics of kids in general. HOWEVER, if you are a parent who puts your child’s picture as your OWN for YOUR profile pic AAAAAAAANNNND that is ALL you have for pics of you… for shame. Look every once in a blue moon making a pic of your child as your profile pic, i get it. You love your kid. Its your flesh and blood therefore its a part of YOU. So yeah seeing a pic of your kid as your profile pic once in a while is awesome. However, I did NOT add your CHILD as a friend on facebook, I chose YOU. I mean, do you realize that strangers can see your child’s pic when they do searches even if you make your profile private? Why would you do that? Its a risk I would never take with my child. Plus I have issues with allowing any child under the age of 16 on facebook. These days with cyber bullying and what not its just not the safest thing in the world. Yes put up an album DEVOTED to your children so your friends and family can see them but its not you. Its kinda creepy. You are you, so BE you and put up a pic of yourself… this leads me to….

10) Seriously, why get a facebook if you refuse to post a pic of yourself or talk to people on it. Do you think youre ugly? Are you really that self conscious? If you are then you need to see a therapist. Its not hard. Friends can tag pics THEY put up of you and you can make it your profile pic. If I havent seen you in forever, I wanna know what you look like now. I cant hug you via the internet and see you. Cut me some slack! I got my pic up the least you can do is put yours up. If your excuse is you dont know how, you have friends dammit OR you have kids. FOUR year olds can post pics up for crying out loud let one of THEM do it. If you cant make that effort I dont understand why you bother having a facebook, social networking sites are NOT important. If your life is THAT hectic that you cant take 5 minutes to post a pic then you dont need to be on facebook.

So… I know this is just me being judgmental and overly opinionated but… thats the whole point. THIS is what I have been seeing on facebook for MONTHS now. Would you want to see this every time you logged into facebook?

Friends, please, take a rest. Talk about yourself every once in a while. Think about things that are positive. Try posting something good not just for the reader but for yourself. There has to be something to update on your status thats positive even if its something simple like “I got up today and am breathing” it will make me smile. It will make your friends smile too cuz that means you are still you and you exist.

I hope my opinions dont insult too many people. Its not my intention to hurt anyone. It was just my intention of venting my own frustrations so you wouldnt have to deal with it on a regular basis on dear old Facebook!