Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Sorry everybody

October 19, 2013

I havent been on this site in years. My apologies but I have a new blog. Please check it out at….

I will also have another blog up soon that will focus more on music reviews and yet another on myself personally all on blogger. Sorry wordpressers.

I’m gonna sound off

September 24, 2010


Ok so as of late I have had a lot of pretty cool things happen. I got a new desk that wont collapse on top of me, (woohoo!!) Annnnnnd…

I am typing this blog from my new iMac!!! Thats right folks! One of my major goals and dreams have happened. I can say that this year was my year. Sure not everything I wanted to happen, happened but I got some things accomplished and thats good enough for me. Besides, the year isnt over yet!

So, despite such great things, lately I have been just watching my facebook. I see friends and acquaintances post their status updates and I just shake my head. Not all of my friends but many people I know on facebook have just been very vocal about their opinions concerning politics, religion, race, etc. Dont get me wrong, its great to be vocal and here I am doing the same thing so I dont judge on that its just… I dunno, its all been so negative. Everyone is complaining about EVERYTHING.

Now I’m not blind. A lot of stuff has been happening lately that is worthy of many a complaint however, so many of these friends of mine have just blatantly stopped talking about themselves and just focus on what is pissing them off. I mean I do it too but I make sure I update about myself. I mean thats the purpose of facebook. To see how people are doing. How are YOU doing? Whats going on with YOU? I already know about the mosque, and the politics, and current events, I hear you but where the hell are YOU?

So just to get it out of the way, here’s my view on everything going on lately and yeah, Im highly aware many of my friends will be angry and Im sorry but fuck you, I dont agree with you and to be very honest it saddens me how many people I know are truly blinded by upbringing and brainwashing. Open your fucking eyes and do some fucking research before saying shit. You have no idea how stupid you sound some of you, seriously. I’m not a rocket scientist, in fact I am well aware that many of my friends think Im flakey and a bit naive but Im not a dumbass…. I am just taking the time out here on my blog to vent my own opinion on everything because I refuse to dwell on drama and have it especially attacked on facebook. These are just MY opinions and I rather post it here instead of getting backlash on facebook so… moving on.

1.) The mosque. Shut it. Just stop bitching about it. I’m done. I dont want to fucking hear anymore bullshit in regards to it. Their was a mosque within the area PRIOR to 9/11, and they are not building the mosque ON the site, its within a few blocks. Dont give me the “its an insult or its too soon” bullshit because you know what, muslims were killed at 9/11 too if they want to put up a mosque in downtown manhattan, let them. Get over it. There is a lot of fucked up shit going on in this country that we have no choice to put up with, that a community center that promotes awareness and religious tolerance is the LAST thing anyone should be bitching about. Have you seen yourselves on tv making asses out of yourselves, showing the world exactly how INtolerant you are? You’re making us look bad, we already have a lot to be embarrassed about dont add to it.

2) Stop bitching about what a rotten job Obama is doing. Im not saying that cuz I still support the guy, I’m saying it because I got news for all of you: no matter who is in charge, you are not going to be happy. They all suck. Why? Because this country is under the misconception that the President has all the power. That is a lie. He appoints a cabinet to tell him what to do. Then he either agrees or disagrees. We all bitched about Bush, and yeah he sucked. Why? Because he couldnt even pretend that he knew wtf he was doing. Obama at least admits that he is a human being that is TRYING to do the best he can. Is he? Probably not, hes screwed up a lot but a lot of the stuff he has to deal with is stuff that Bush left for him to clean up. I know you guys who love Bush hate when people say that but babies, the bottom line, republicans and democrats BOTH fuck it up. What works? Who knows? We are all human expecting someone of a higher authority to save us from our problems meanwhile they live in it too. No one is going to fix all the worlds problems. Btw I love that they blame Obama for the oil spill. Really people? I had no idea as prerequisite for the job as President you need to know how to build oil rigs and figure out how to stop them should they have a spill. Look he isnt trying to fix things fast enough but he didnt CAUSE it. If you are going to blame anyone blame BP and then the government, and then those who depend on that oil, and then ourselves for not being more aware and willing to use alternative fuel techniques. Stop blaming and just figure out how we can fix things!

3) Read a fucking book!….. dont mean fiction although thats fine, but I mean read history books, books on true crime, books about countries and wars, and art and cultures. I just think if people read more instead of listen to the bullshit news that comes out the television then maybe people would be more rational about why things happen.

4) Genocide is real. Why am I saying that? Because I actually had an argument with someone who tried to tell me that the Armenian Genocide never happened. Look, when more than hundreds of people die and their culture is scarred for life with the memory of family members that suffered and died and their government either did nothing or were the cause, its a fucking genocide. Its not just a “tragedy”, it hurts people today, and to sit their and deny such a horrible thing is like saying “yeah i dont think your people suffered” and thats fucked up.

5) Stop fucking telling me to remember 9/11. How the hell do you expect me to forget? It is the most insulting thing to tell me because you actually think that it meant nothing to anyone except you and you know its not true. I am so tired of these public memorials. I know that sounds horrible but seriously how are the victims and families of them supposed to move on and overcome their sadness? Its bad enough that they are left with financial difficulties, raising children on their own, or whatever other obstacle that comes their way. They don’t need people telling them “Remember 9/11” If you forgot, you have senility, dementia, alzheimers, or brain damage. Even if you DONT remember that day, Im sure you have been informed enough to have an idea.

6) Leave Lady Gaga alone!!! LOL. Seriously. I dont care if you dont like her. I dont like half the shit you people listen to but I respect you enough to not talk too much shit. Yeah she brought former military personnel to the VMAs as a representation of those who were kicked out of the military due to don’t ask don’t tell. So what? Why does her opinion on the situation piss you off so much? Why the fuck do you care? Yeah of course its shameless, shes a mother fucking celebrity!! The gay community is her biggest following. I find it honorable and fucking awesome when a celeb respects the fans that got them where they are. Those former military personnel weren’t bound and dragged there. They went willingly. Just cuz you dont agree doesnt make Gaga someone that deserves to be shit on. Get over it.

7) Ok this is a biggie cuz I know many friends on facebook who are in the military. Let me say this, I applaud you. I respect you. I can never even attempt to assume to know the dramatic and traumatic events you went through. I will never pretend to know what you all go through, what your job entails, and everything that goes with it. Your job is great, your job is a job I would never be able to do. I am a pussy. I am a hands down, pussy. I bow to you all in reverence for what you do for this country. That being said, I really truly HATE violence. I get it, its part of your job. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. I have certain friends AND family members who have posted pics of themselves with their troop all giving the “rock on” horn sign with their fingers while they have their guns to the heads of muslims that are blindfolded. I dont fucking care if they are terrorists, or the devil incarnate. Its not something to be proud of. Im so sorry! You dont see cops arresting a serial killer with a shit eating grin do ya? There is nothing happy about getting someone who has done wrong. If I was in a room with someone who killed people I cared about, innocent victims, I wouldnt be smiling. I would be crying. I would be angry. I would have done the right thing and that requires no fun times. I shouldnt have to see you having fun doing a very serious and tragic job. Also, you can sit there and say its not right if someone in the military is sentenced to the crime of abuse of a muslim inmate or whatever. Its not about the abuse. You are in the military. The job that is known primarily for following orders, and doing everything by protocol. To abuse an inmate, whether they deserve it or not. Is wrong, plain and simple. I dont care if you think the crime isnt as bad as what terrorists do. It doesnt fucking matter. Its the law and its broken. Thats how we are taught and that is what is being punished. I would bust my ass to make sure that people saw me as the model military person. I would want to be the savior. I wouldnt want to do something to tarnish that view. How do you expect other nations to see us as a positive influence on any country if you insist on applauding the violence that I understand very well is necessary but still painful for others to see. We are not Neanderthals anymore. This isn’t Sparta. I know I am no authority but again, I have the right to my own opinion however ill informed you may assume it is. Its still mine. However I will never… stop supporting my troops. I think of you all everyday and always hope that you are all safe and to keep doing the job that a good military person is supposed to do. In my eyes, you all deserve purple hearts just for joining.

8) Ok, from the military to the other gamut. Vegans. LOL. Shut the fuck up. I am not talking about vegetarians or NICE vegans. I am talking about REAL vegans. I got something to say to you people. Leave me the fuck alone and get off your high fiber horse! You know I respect you for going the route of not eating meat or dairy. I get there are many things you refuse to eat and thats fine. However why must you INSIST on making me feel bad for NOT being a vegan? Why must you HATE on anyone who ISNT a vegan? I’ve been at parties where there were vegans and they actually would look at everyone and make the smelling onions face. (You know that face, where the upper lip is curled to the side and the rest of the mouth is in a grimace? … Got the visual?…. Ok good) Just judging everyone for eating things that they wouldnt. Trying to tell me to not eat turkey on Thanksgiving. (Yeah I’m talking to you, Fiona Apple!). Oh and stopping a concert early because you smell a bbq in the distance and therefore smell meat cooking and then announce to the audience “I hope to God it’s human” (Yeah, I’m talking to you too Morrissey!!!). Really? You would stop a concert jerkoff knowing people paid good money to see you because other people are living normal lives in the distance and doing something you just dont approve of? I love your music Morrissey but you truly are a dick. Vegans you also lead me to those who may not even be vegan but just live the lifestyles of organic food only, stop buying corporate, uh… wearing reusable tampons, the diva cup, not shaving, anti vanity. Look. The bottom line is this: If you live a life where you do these things, more power to you. I applaud you living your life the way YOU want to. So therefore, dont persecute me for not living it like YOU. I like to shave, I dont even wear regular tampons, Im stick to maxi pads thank you very much! I love pernil and any meat that exists, I fucking ate alligator this past weekend and it was heavenly! I also dig shopping at whole foods and costco so sue me!

9)Ok another touchy subject. I have many friends who are parents. God bless ya! I’m too selfish to be one. Its too much work and I want to do things for me not a kid. Sorry. But I love looking at pictures of your children, Im sure they are lovely and when I can I try to comment. No issue with pics of kids in general. HOWEVER, if you are a parent who puts your child’s picture as your OWN for YOUR profile pic AAAAAAAANNNND that is ALL you have for pics of you… for shame. Look every once in a blue moon making a pic of your child as your profile pic, i get it. You love your kid. Its your flesh and blood therefore its a part of YOU. So yeah seeing a pic of your kid as your profile pic once in a while is awesome. However, I did NOT add your CHILD as a friend on facebook, I chose YOU. I mean, do you realize that strangers can see your child’s pic when they do searches even if you make your profile private? Why would you do that? Its a risk I would never take with my child. Plus I have issues with allowing any child under the age of 16 on facebook. These days with cyber bullying and what not its just not the safest thing in the world. Yes put up an album DEVOTED to your children so your friends and family can see them but its not you. Its kinda creepy. You are you, so BE you and put up a pic of yourself… this leads me to….

10) Seriously, why get a facebook if you refuse to post a pic of yourself or talk to people on it. Do you think youre ugly? Are you really that self conscious? If you are then you need to see a therapist. Its not hard. Friends can tag pics THEY put up of you and you can make it your profile pic. If I havent seen you in forever, I wanna know what you look like now. I cant hug you via the internet and see you. Cut me some slack! I got my pic up the least you can do is put yours up. If your excuse is you dont know how, you have friends dammit OR you have kids. FOUR year olds can post pics up for crying out loud let one of THEM do it. If you cant make that effort I dont understand why you bother having a facebook, social networking sites are NOT important. If your life is THAT hectic that you cant take 5 minutes to post a pic then you dont need to be on facebook.

So… I know this is just me being judgmental and overly opinionated but… thats the whole point. THIS is what I have been seeing on facebook for MONTHS now. Would you want to see this every time you logged into facebook?

Friends, please, take a rest. Talk about yourself every once in a while. Think about things that are positive. Try posting something good not just for the reader but for yourself. There has to be something to update on your status thats positive even if its something simple like “I got up today and am breathing” it will make me smile. It will make your friends smile too cuz that means you are still you and you exist.

I hope my opinions dont insult too many people. Its not my intention to hurt anyone. It was just my intention of venting my own frustrations so you wouldnt have to deal with it on a regular basis on dear old Facebook!

You know what’s awesome?

June 15, 2010

You know what I find really awesome? Its one of many things but what really makes me happy lately are smiles. I know, it sounds stupid but its true. When you are smiled at, it just makes you feel a little better. Even when you are feeling like crap and everything is going wrong, when someone smiles at you, you truly have no other option but to smile back.

I mean, ok, TECHNICALLY, you dont HAVE to. However if you dont you make the person feel awkward or bad or insult them and they’ve done nothing but be nice enough to smile at you so why on earth wouldn’t you? So you do it and you know what? It makes you feel a lot better.

I have been feeling so BLAH lately. Not truly depressed but just have tons on my mind and I guess just a bit overwhelmed. There isnt much lately that I feel fabulous about.

Don’t misunderstand, I have high hopes and truly have been hopeful, inspired, determined, and damn proud of myself for having that and feeling that. However I dunno, I guess I just dont feel so accomplished lately. Im holding myself back I suppose.

At any rate it leaves this blah feeling inside. I walk down the street by myself, feeling lonely, and I look up and get a random smile. It makes my day.

Well… my few minutes or hour.

It just makes me feel better because one of the things I dont believe people realize about being overweight is what we perceive or feel from other people. I think everyone assumes the dread that we have is to be made fun of. That our daily routine includes chastisement because as children that is in fact what we get from our fellow classmates who see us everyday.

When you are a grown up, yeah it does happen but not as often. What do we really get dealt with? Invisibility. Utter disregard and invisibility.

What was once chastisement has become non existence. When you are big and you are in a bar, you dont get the remarks or the staring. You actually get flat out ignored. When walking down the street people generally just look the other way and say nothing to you. You are not worthy of attention.

I know some people like that but as someone who is an entertainer, yeah it bugs me. So when I am walking down the street or on the train or the bus and someone just smiles at me and goes about their business they are not just passing off a minimal facial expression. They are saying “Hello, I see you, have a nice day” and they go about their business. I am worthy of a smile. I am worthy of acknowledgment. Its a great feeling.

The other thing that happens with a smile is you feel motivated to do it yourself. Once Im smiled at, I can guarantee that Im smiling at other people throughout the day and there are a few others who will smile back thus extending that good feeling.

And that good feeling I get, I spread to others so its like paying it forward. Its pretty awesome.

Its weird too, when I go down to PR and people do it much more frequently than here in the insane city that is NYC at first you question it. “Do I know them?”, “is there something on my face?”, “are they flirting with me?”. No that’s just how they go about their day.

Not to mention the fact that they will also say “Hello”, and “Have a Nice Day”. (In Spanish of course), men give up their seats on buses just out of custom and what not. When that happens, you cant help but be in a good mood.

I know its not just in PR it happens in the South too. Im sure it happens in other places more often as well however here in NYC not often enough.

However, in the meantime, while I inhabit this kick ass city, I will cherish each smile I get since I am fully aware how hard they are to come by.

Smile New York!!!!

Men, please read this……

June 13, 2010

Don't set yourself up for this

So I notice this trend of men cheating or just flat out doing inappropriate/questionable actions in their relationships.

Look guys, I got nothing against you. I personally have issues with monogamy. I don’t believe in it. That’s just me though! You all aren’t dating me! Trust me, I am the VIRGIN Whore remember? I’m not with anyone so I KNOW I’m not with any of you guys. You all choose to be in relationships with women who DON’T think like me and logically (and rightfully so) demand commitment, monogamy, and trust. If you choose this, don’t be an idiot and fuck it up.

I know, I know. You truly love your significant others but your brain always pushes the “what if” in you. Its OK to look at the menu boys, you don’t order anything nor do you ask for a fucking sample!

If you know your significant other, like you claim you do, (In fact, I KNOW you do, don’t act like you don’t) don’t give into temptation and then lie about it.

You know your girlfriend (or boyfriend if you’re gay) is going to find out. I know you want to convince yourself that its nothing and that he or she wont but let the brain work and realize, YEAH, they will totally find out. They always do.

Look, you chose to be in this type of relationship. If you don’t want it anymore or want to try something new, then don’t take those next steps that happen as a relationship grows. Keep it where it is and take a break. If you are having feelings for someone else and think you MAY act on them, then trust me, you’ve already cheated. Your love and trust just jumped out the window because you wont let the person you claim to love know that you need some space and therefore you are being a selfish prick because you don’t seem to give a fuck about that person’s trust in you. Communicate. Its gonna hurt dude, seriously. I wont lie, I mean its gonna hurt when they find out you were a dick too so at least they cant accuse you of dishonesty. If in fact you separate and act on your temptation, if it doesn’t work out, there is a high possibility that the relationship can be salvaged.

But you are in fact men and sad to say it, your dicks have a tendency to make you believe it is your brain so therefore you always act on those impulses. So you did do the stupid thing and cheat or just do something you know you shouldn’t have done. Lets take it from there.

So well, you’ve just destroyed the person you love’s trust in you. I mean you did. You may not think its a big deal or maybe you do and you are gutted.

Look, I know you guys make mistakes I personally can respect that and would more than likely react differently but like I said, I’m not like most girls. I may even be wrong in my own way of thinking, who knows, who cares? This isn’t about me though, this is about you and YOUR loved one.

You got a LOT of damage control to do. You can sit there and tell them you would never do it again and hell you can even mean it. Its not going to be enough guys. I’m sorry but now you’ve turned this relationship into school or prison. You have to earn every little thing you want. You have to work harder than ever cuz that little fuck up you did, even if you think its nothing, tarnished that person’s vision of a Godsend that you were to them. You are no longer the boyfriend that can do no wrong. You are the lying manipulative sleazy man that they invested their lives into and they have two options: Leave you because they don’t know you anymore and refuse to be THAT person that lets their boyfriends do things like that because they are weak. OR they stay and feel imprisoned or weak because they don’t want to leave you but feel like they don’t know you anymore. Remember, they are in this relationship with you because they felt all this time you are THE ONE and where their life is supposed to be. Now they will question that. Yet feel like because no other man was better than you, there is nowhere else to go.

Is their life supposed to be with someone they cant trust or be as happy as they used to be? I mean that’s whats in their heads guys. You just proved that what they thought of you is altered. You fucked up royally.

If you TRULY love this person and really want it to work. You are going to have to sacrifice so many things that you once took for granted. You will no longer be allowed to just come and go as you pleased. When you hang out with your friends you will no longer be able to do so without 20 questions from your significant other and if those friends of yours allowed you to screw your relationship up and your loved one KNOWS about it. Don’t ever think those friends will be respected by your loved one anymore. They are in that person’s eyes worse than you because they didn’t care enough to stop you. You will have no personal space because your computer will be monitored as will your phone. You will have to do so much to prove your love aside from taking them out, and telling them that you love them more often than you used to.

Was it really worth it to fuck up your relationship?

If this were me, I don’t think you would have as many issues. Don’t get me wrong, I demand trust and respect. If you intend on sleeping around you better tell me that you are wanting to see other people. Especially if I would want an open relationship which I will more than likely want. I mean there is no point in lying then. However if you lie to me despite that, then fuck it, you are no longer worthy of my time cuz I give you a LOT of leeway. Lying about relations when you are in an open relationship is stupid.

However most of society isn’t down with those type of relationships. They believe in monogamy and they have every right to. More power to them and more power to you for wanting to be in one but to go in knowing that this can happen, you are a fool for expecting your relationship to overcome situations like this easily.

Men, don’t worry, I know women cheat too, but lately you guys have been in the media a lot for doing it. It just seems like I hear about guys in the press and guys within my circle just fucking up their relationships and I just don’t get why you would put yourselves in these relationships.

So men, if you want to keep your relationships strong. Make sure you don’t think with your penis. If you have a temptation just take it on a given that acting on it, even if you don’t go all the way but still lie, is going to ruin things.

If you ruin things and want to fix them, you got A LOT of work to do.

Please read the article before reading my opinion…

June 11, 2010

Empire State Building Won’t Light Up for Mother Teresa’s 100th Birthday.

Ok so after reading this I was pretty on the fence. Here is why…..

They are both hypocritical.

What I side on with The Empire State Building:

1. This is a privately owned building. They reserve the right to do whatever the hell they want. If they don’t want to put lights up for Mother Theresa, stupid or not, that’s their decision and no one should persecute them for that.

2. Its a tricky deal to do something to celebrate a religious figure in this country. There are many religions out there and if you choose one person you have to choose another, if you don’t people will accuse you of discriminating. Then TONS of different religious groups will be in your face on a constant basis. This is a privately owned office building. To focus on that topic alone would take a lot of time that working people dont have.

3.  Wasting electricity during a recession really isnt the best idea. To put the lights up so often would cost a lot of money and a lot of energy. As to whether Mother Theresa is a cut off point, thats a personal opinion that they voted on and if thats their decision thats their decision.

What I DON’T side on with The Empire State Building:

1. It’s actually supposed to be a big deal here in NYC. Supposedly there will be functions throughout the NYC area not only in Manhattan but Brooklyn and Queens as well. They seem to be passing it off as not a big deal and they are clearly mistaken or misinformed.

2. They are not being asked to have the lights on for more than one night. I dont see how much energy it would take to have different colors up when they have lights on every night anyways.

3. Ok this is the big issue I have. The owners Anthony Malkin claimed “As a privately owned building, ESB has a specific policy against any other lighting for religious figures or requests by religions and religious organizations,” meanwhile they have raised the lights for Pope John Paul II and Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. just to name two. So to use the excuse of not raising the lights for religious figures is bullshit. Right there they are being the biggest hypocrites. Shes a Nobel Peace Prize winning woman who devoted herself to peace and helping the poor, you should be able to raise the lights for her for one night.

However…. like I said. Its  a privately owned building. If they don’t want to raise the lights. Whatever, don’t raise the lights and be that way. Now… for the Catholic League.

What I side with them on:

1. Religious holidays are recognized on occassion at The Empire State Building. There is no real reason why Mother Theresa shouldnt be acknowledged. Like I said above, The Empire State Building is being hypocritical.

2. The entire city will be celebrating her 100th birthday. The Empire State Building will just be out of it.

Yeah…. that’s truly all I side on with The Catholic League. I have a lot of issues with the Catholic League.  Its truly hard for me to side with them however I did my best. I do see their points but thats really all I can side with….. Now….

What I DONT side with them on:

1. Look, just cuz you want someone to recognize your religious festivities doesn’t mean if they don’t they are horrible people. Back off. The whole Catholic League really shouldn’t take this “Either you recognize us or you will be persecuted by us and The Church and God” route because you pretty much give people reason NOT to support you because that is considered threatening. You asked you didn’t get it. Move on.

2. As you read, you are not the ONLY people denied lights. The US Military were denied as Im sure tons of other organizations were denied. Join the club.

3. Speaking of, out of ALL the religious festivities that The Empire State Building has put lights up for this is ONE out of many that they decided not to. Are you really going to go on this tangeant for one thing? Spoiled much?

4.Despite their policy on not putting the lights up for religious figures, they put up the lights for Pope John Paul the II and for Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. Yet even though this went against their policy you STILL expect them to go against it yet again for someone else. Again, spoiled much?

5. The one thing that really rubbed me the wrong way: The President of the Catholic League HIMSELF actually said “To stiff Mother Teresa while giving this honor to every other Tom, Dick and Harry is not going to sit well with Catholics,”. Ummm so as a Catholic League President, you consider the Pope and Martin Luther King Jr just every Tom, Dick, or Harry? Really Bill Donohue? Really?!?! I’m sorry but as president of the league I would ASSUME you got that position because you could at least word your opinions better. Clearly I am mistaken.

Look, here is my bottom line: I’m not as religious as I guess my Catholic upbringing should have made me. I got issues with the Catholic Church however that doesn’t change the fact that I think Mother Theresa was a great woman who deserves the recognition. Yes, I do think The Empire State Building should have been nicer and put the lights up but I really believe this being a major deal and people going into an uproar about it is a bit pathetic. No one ESPECIALLY Mother Theresa would have wanted people complaining about this like they have been.

Its a bunch of light coming from a freaggin building, people. I really dont think Mother Theresa would care. Get over it. People have their opinions and they have private property if they dont want to do what you want them to do, move on, feel better about yourself being a better person than them and move on and celebrate on your own.

Yikes…. I hate these moments….

June 9, 2010

Ugh! Just one of those moments.....

You ever have one of those moments where you really dont want to do something but you feel after recent events you just HAVE to?

Yet what you need to do is really worrisome and freaks you out so you are extremely nervous and scared yet you do get the strength and do it.

Then once its done you are automatically thinking “Oh God whyyy did I do that? OMG this is going to be a disaster and drama full and I dont want that!” and its too late to take it back?

Yeah. Me. Right now.

Dear Lindsay Lohan… again

May 21, 2010

Lindsay Lohan at her best.

Look I swore I wouldnt write about you anymore however your recent activities would make me a fool to ignore. So I go on…

Look I really dont like you as an actress and I hear you are not the nicest person in the world. So I dont ever want to meet you because I dont feel like I would get along with someone with your attitude. I dont blame you TOO much though. I know people who worked retail on the upper east side of NYC and had BOTH experienced YOU coming into their store (WE’RE TALKING BEFORE MEAN GIRLS, HONEY)when there was a line and you and your snot nosed poor excuse of a mother pushed your way to the front asking for help and when you were told to wait you had the pair of tits to actually utter the most used fake hollywood line ever “dont you know who I am”, honey back then you were like 15 so no, no one knew nor cared who the fuck you were hence the reason you were ignored and had no other choice but to leave. I see things havent changed and when you demand entrance into clubs you arent on the list to get into and you want things that arent yours, you throw tantrums and throw glassware apparently like a baby who throws their bottle when they need their diaper changed. Grow the fuck up. This sense of entitlement that you and other celebrities is slowly getting old. Just like your skin. Shit, honey Im 34 and you look older than me now. See this is why you should have been forced to get an education. Dont you know what smoking, drugs, and drinking does to your skin and body? Why do you insist on learning things the hard way?

Look, I dont know you but I certainly dont want to hear about your death and it looks like youre heading that route. Ana Nicole Smith never partied as hard as you do, get the clue LiLo! Slow it down, its clear jail time will do you good.

This whole thing is just ridiculous. I hope they go V for Vendetta on your ass, lock you up, take away your designer clothing, make you wash with that stale bar of ivory soap, and shave your fucking head, then put you in isolation. However I must remind myself you are here in the US where hard time is hbo instead of showtime. Look its not just cuz you need some serious rehab, its not even because you need to learn a lesson. Its mainly cuz you are so fucking stupid you cant even see how lame your excuses are. You claim someone stole your passport over the weekend while you are in France promoting a movie, so you couldnt get a plane ticket to get you back here in time for court, and you couldnt go to the embassy because it was closed. Oh and before that you even accused your dead beat dad, Michael Lohan of stealing your passport even though he is here in the US?

First of all Einstein Lohan, if you were planning to come back to go to court… why didnt you buy your ticket roundtrip? Hmmmm? You KNEW you had to be here. I mean, why didnt you already buy it? It would be believeable to the judge who btw is clearly SOOO tired of your bs. You kept on ditching group and rehab and claimed you had valid reasons which no one thinks by the way, you are delusion as hell. Then you claim your dad stole your passport while you were in Cannes when hes been here the whole time. Look, I blame your dad for a lot but one thing I know I cant accuse him of is superpowers, how the hell did he get your passport from Cannes when hes HERE… HERE BEING THE UNITED STATES. To top it off you beg your friends (btw none of them are your friends Lindsay if they were you wouldnt be where you are now, friends care about you and none of them give a fuck) to pay for a personal charter flight which according to cnn can run over 70 grand for you to get to the states. What the fuck is wrong with you????

Go to jail. You need to grow up. You need to wake up. I want to see you clean. Even though Im not a fan of your acting, I actually wanna see you working again. Right now you are a ridiculous mess. You ruined a lot of potential in yourself with bullshit.

As for your parents. I wish there was a way for them (specifically your mom cuz shes supposed to be the “GOOD” parent)to get punishment too because this could have been prevented… at least SOME of it.

I think Im a pretty good effin friend.

March 5, 2010

Nobody is perfect. I would never claim to be. Nor would I expect anyone to be perfect. That being said, Im so exhausted.

Today was rough. I tried not to think it would be a rough day but I woke up and couldnt leave to therapy because I had no money for a metrocard. I had really wanted to go to therapy. Ive missed a session or two and I need to get stuff out.

The last time I had therapy was the first time my therapist didnt just let me talk but made an observation.

She told me” It seems like you have a lot of friendships that dont satisfy you. Almost like you tolerate them and put up with them despite the fact that they take advantage or walk all over you even though you dont want that. Like you accept these friendships and dont want to lose them because you dont think you deserve better friends.”

Now, I dont know how much of that is true. The fact of the matter is, I KNOW DAMN WELL I deserve to be respected. I deserve to have friends that dont take advantage of me or fucking shrug me off. I do deserve better than being treated that way.

That being said, I dont think all of my friends think of me that way.

Today though, it really hit me hard. Let me explain why….

So since the beginning of February, every Thursday night Jay and I have been booking shows at Beauty Bar in Brooklyn. We’ve been doing it for a month now and the owner is so cool hes let us stay there indefinitely. Its such a fun time. You get to perform, hear your friends perform, and if you are a performer you get free drinks. We book from 7pm till whenever the hell they close on Thursday nights. Its been a lot of fun. Oh! By the way, even though Jay and I are in the band, The JSE. These acoustic sets that have just been him and myself (sans bass and drummer) have been named. We are known as The LoveMuffins. Yup. I said it. Its awesome and funny.

There is one thing though. None of my friends have come out. Dont misunderstand. Jay and I have mutual friends and some of them have come out but people I personally invite for the most part havent showed up.

Beana I get, The Beans is a busy mommy so I get it. She wants to even go into managing and hopefully managing us. She is dying to come out so I know she wants to come and is planning on it.

In fact I get most issues. Its a Thursday night. Its in Brooklyn.

I get it I get it I mother fucking get it. You know what else I get? I also get that a lot of people that have told me “Oh Im so sorry but its this or that and I cant go and blah blah blah” are the same people who post pics and talk about going out to dinner and drinks with friends in Williamsburg or trekking out to the city when they live in Brooklyn. I see people with all these plans meanwhile I ask them to come out and “Oh the moon the stars the sky”.

Fine. Im bitching. Im being a whiny baby. Whatever. Ive tried to support my friends. The same people who invite me to things that I cant afford to go to. We perform at 7pm or at least try to just because I KNOW people need to go home early to get some sleep. (Btw, I see you fuckers on facebook at 1 in the morning remember I got insomnia bitches). Its a free show, no one needs to pay to go. Its right across the street from the train. Hell its right UNDERNEATH the train so its not like Im asking anyone to trek far in God knows where. I even know people who live or work a few blocks away and yet nothing.

Look, I dont think Im asking for too much. Im not asking for people to come to every show. When you are an artist trying to get a show, you need to draw a crowd. Thats how it goes. I depend on my friends to be there at least once in a while. Ive performed over 5 times now, even when I was sick and while people Jay know and friends of OURS show up. Friends of MINE havent been there. I dont think anyone really understands how heartbreaking that it. It makes me realize that I dont have as many friends as I genuinely thought I did. Im not drawing a crowd because I dont have a crowd to draw.

So, Im done. Youre still gonna get invites from me whether you plan on coming or not. Thats how I try to get a draw. This is work for me and respect it. If you dont want to come, then dont do what my newest pet peeve is and rsvp that you are coming and not show. I dont need you to fucking humor me. I need honest decisions. Rsvp maybe instead. I mean there is a reason thats an option.

Some of you may even be like “Omg eww she knows I cant go because of this or that why is she mad at me? blah blah blah”

Look, some of you I know have genuine reasons why you cant come out. However many of you dont. Out of everyone that gave me excuses or didnt even care enough to tell me anything I can count the ones that were genuine or believable on my hand.

297 Friends on Facebook and I had no draw. Tell me thats not fucked up. I mother fucking dare you.

How many times can i say fuck in this blog? LOL
This isnt an oh woe is me blog. This is a fuck you mother fuckers in the fucking fuck blog!

I’m no longer apologizing or….

February 7, 2010

….or making excuses for not updating as much as I used to. I want to update every day but because I hadnt in so long, I just never know what to write.

See, I said I wouldnt make excuses and yet I did. Whatever.

Anyways, things have been going alright. I truly cant complain too much. In fact many great things have been happening concerning music. All my songs are on my hard drive. I know it doesnt sound like much but trust me, Ive lost my song book enough to know i need it somewhere it cant really get too lost.

We (Jay and I) got a residency at Beauty Bar in Bushwick. it was a lot of fun performing this past Thursday. I was feeling miserable (physically) but I didnt care I still was so happy I was there. I cant wait to play again. We will be playing Thursday nights for the month of February.

The main reason I havent updated any critiques is plain and simple: I write for SKORCH Magazine now. So I do my reviews on there. However its only one a month so I will get back to posting them here as well. No worries, when Im ready you will see them.

I’ve been really ill the passed week and a half too. Im gonna be ok but I have an abscess on my thigh. It was infected and really painful. It still hurts like a mofo but I will be seeing a surgeon (yeah its that bad) tomorrow and they will tell me if it needs to be surgically removed or not. I am hoping not. Either way its getting better so no worries everything is going to be just fine.

I have mild cabin fever though. I noticed when I went to the show on Thursday I couldnt shut up for the life of me. I need to socialize more, I always say that, but when Im broke which is most of the time, I really dont like going out. Mix in doctors orders of not moving too much and you got me stuck at home wanting company. Thankfully Jay has been here often since he got back from South Hadley but yeah, my other friends who actually live close by? Yeah… lets not get into that. LOL

I have to call the temp agency I rejoined to remind them I am sans a real job every Monday. Let’s hope they get me something.

I actually do have a lot to say on here. Something tells me you will see a spurt of blogs for a while again.

Yay? I mean, do you guys read? If ya do comment in here. Just so I know its being read. I will still write either way but its just nice to know people are listening.

This is my own personal note to jot down….

December 19, 2009

Im posting it in my blog just because…

Ok, here are neighborhoods in Queens I would considering moving to:

Forest Hills
Jackson Heights
Kew Gardens
Long Island City

Areas in Brooklyn I would move to:(this list is bigger)
Boerum Hill
Carrol Gardens
Cobble Hill
Downtown Brooklyn
Park Slope
Red Hook
Windsor Terrace
Bay Ridge
Brighton Beach
Coney Island

Areas in Manhattan I would move to:
Washington Heights
Murray Hill

I would live elsewhere in the city more than likely but those are pretty much the main ones.