Posts Tagged ‘art’

Better days

June 8, 2010

This isnt the space I went to but I can imagine the possibilities!

So after my last post a lot has gone through my head. I won’t lie despite feeling driven and determined and positive of my capabilities and future success. When people say such negative things, even if you know its not true, your self esteem is still shaken…. and not stirred haha. Bad line I know but its actually true. I am really still shaken up and bruised but it hasnt stopped me nor has it made me feel like I cant accomplish anything.

Since Friday I have been really self conscious. It doesnt last long at all for the most part, I do get over it but it still pops up in my head. I was at work on Saturday and I felt like all eyes were on me. I would walk down the street and feel like people were checking me out… all in a bad way. Like I was being judged and looked down upon. I went to an awesome Art collective deal in Bushwick. All types of performance art. The False Alarms were going to play. It was a great idea. No air conditioning though and I was exhausted from work. I tried to stay but the lack of certainty of when they would play, the heat, the chaotic nature of it all (I know I dont get why it seemed “chaotic” but I was very disoriented by so many things going on there) made me feel the need to just go home. The sealer of that deal in all honesty was as more people showed up more “pretty girls” showed up. I just became more and more uncomfortable both physically and mentally. I do regret leaving though. I missed my friends play and I blame myself for that. I know its only one show but still I wish I had the power to stay.

Despite this, there are good things in my head. I swear! LOL.

This art project thing that I went to. Really was inspiring. I was jealous but in a good way. I guess thats the definition of ENVY not JEALOUSY. Jealousy includes anger and resentment. I wasnt any of that. Envy includes jealousy but instead of anger and resentment its pride respect and joy. Youre happy the person is doing whatever it is that they are doing but wish it was happening for you too. So yes, after that definition, yes I was envious and not jealous. Anyways moving on….

Like I said I was inspired. Basically there were actors who performed live improv, mimes and dancers doing performance art, art on the walls and exhibits, and bands performing. Along with this there was a skateboard ramp in the space, and a dog and cat roaming the warehouse. The whole space used to be a knitting factory and many of the artists there live within this space. To live in a space and have it as a performance space? Fabulous!

I wish I had that. However I dont think I would want a roomate. I’m selfish. To me, where I live is MY space. I don’t want to share. I want a haven to go to where I dont have to worry about boundaries and just be myself. I feel like having to live with boundaries and respect other people’s space is a very important thing but if you live alone its one less worry. I already live with my mother, I dont need to have more people living with me. I could tolerate living with my mom even more though because the space would be bigger.

The art festival itself was a great and brilliant concept. There were galleries and exhibits of art everywhere, performance artists, bands of course, and an improv group that did awkward or uncomfortable conversations and were filming it. The only issue I had was the organization of it. Making sure things were there for bands like PA’s and Drum kits, having exact time slots to follow, having it organized properly. That type of thing. It seemed like it was just being spontaneously done which I suppose is a very existential and carefree way of handling things but I dunno it just made me want to do this myself!

I could have a space that would be more smooth and open, uhh have a.c’s in the building or at least fans. I would be much more detailed when it came to time slots and organization. I would have a host. I believe its a great way to make money and get artists expressions of their creativity out there. I am capable.

The space is so easy to multi task in. I would have bands rent out the space to rehearse during the day and evening during the week, record, etc. I would have filmakers use the space to make videos, rehearsals for acting, dancing, you name it. Then on weekends I could use it as a space for talent to come and show off their work. It would be awesome.

I really am determined to get this done. I think its what needs to be done. I say that a lot but as time goes on and as the experiences in my life add up, the determination and the willpower is actually growing. I dont know if anyone even knows what that feels like. I dont have sex but I can only imagine it feels this good.

This is a survey my friend Abby Powell posted in Facebook, I thought I would share it here.

October 6, 2009

You dont really need to copy and do this yourself but hey, feel free. I just cut and paste it from facebook.

Basically we were asked to pick 10 things that we are into that no one had influenced us into liking. These are things that I truly stumbled upon on my own without influence from friends and what not.

1) Britain

almost everything about Britain and yet I have never been there. I swear I dont know what it is that has drawn me to there but I know its someplace Im supposed to be. I see my future being there. I love the history, I love the music, I love the food (no joke). My godfather is from Blackpool and despite my relationship with him, I really love everything about Britain. I cant wait to finally go. I watch tons of British tv, especially panel shows like Have I Got News for You, Nevermind the Buzzcocks, QI just to name a few. I even love British guys. Go figure. I just know Ive loved the idea since I was a little girl. When I was growing up, the threat I would constantly get from my mom and my uncle and godfather would be if I did a bad job in school I would be sent off to a boarding school in England. I would be scared cuz I didnt want to be so far away from my mom but deep down I kinda wished I could go cuz it sounded AWESOME!

2) Faeries
Do I believe in faeries? Not really but I do wish they existed. Hell I wish I was one. I think they are kewl. I love fantasy art but faeries are cute, sexy, deviant, tricksters, enchanting, artistic, powerful, magical, everything I wish I was. Its weird though. The moment I tell people how much I love faeries (I have an Amy Brown inspired one tattooed on my back) they automatically assume I love rainbow colored cheesiness and… unicorns… bleh! Ive never been into art that depicted unicorns and pegasuses (or is it pegasaii??). It just looks weird to me. I like dragon art too but for me, elvish, faeries, pixies all have to go alongside dragons. Im not saying it makes sense Im just saying its how my head is wired dont judge me! LOL. If anyone ever wanted to give me art, faeries win, I have one gift from Paul, a faerie figurine that sits above my computer. I look at it daily and it makes me smile.It broke one day and I crazy glued it back together cuz I wont let it die. I even have written a song (fairly Enya-esque, Cocteau Twinish, Loreena McKennitish, Bel Cantoish) where I mention faeries. I also sing a song called Faerie Pet in my band The JSE. Yeah, I did faeries. a lot!

3) Labyrinth

I’ve loved this movie since it first came out. I know every line, every song. If dared I can reenact the entire film. Jim Henson and George Lucas work together to make a great fantasy movie. Everyone talks shit about David Bowie’s acting in films hes taken part in. I normally agree to be honest. Hes not the best actor. That being said, the role of Gareth was clearly designed for him and because it was he does a great job with the role. The song Within You (in fact the entire sequence in the film) is one of my faves hence the reason I chose that particular link. I want to cover that song one day. Ugh cant wait!. Its also the first time I think I ever had a crush on a girl. Yeah, I think Jennifer Connelly was my first girl crush. She still is, omg I would looooveeeee to get with Jennifer Connelly she is soo effing beautiful.

4) History
I dont have a link for this, just in general I love history. I love learning about different cultures and different countries. I think the more knowledge you get on different parts of the world, the more of an understanding you get of cultures and why people do what they do. I also think with that knowledge and understanding you are more likely to garner respect for their traditions and cultures. Not to preach but I really think more people need to learn things like that. My love of history and global cultures is something I cherish because there are a lot of things in this life that I know I am not that smart about. Im not saying Im a bimbo or dumb but I have been known to be naive and history is really something I pride myself on knowing. Its the one thing I can actually say I love knowing about and love helping people with when they want to learn about it as well. I make an awesome tour guide when I can haha.

5)The Cloisters/Fort Tryon Park

I love this place. When I was little my uncle and godfather brought me here to the medeival festival ( I was like 12) and I will get into the festival in a moment, but the place alone is mesmerizing. Its actually one of my favorite places to be in New York. Its in Washington Heights and you forget you are actually in the city. A friend of mine calls it Helms Deep (because like me he is a lord of the rings nerd) and well, it actually looks like it. Its the perfect place for a medieval festival. The Cloisters itself is a monastery that was originally built in Europe but when the order was moved to New York, they wanted their monastery to come with, so they numbered each stone and dismantled it. When they got here, they put the stones back together in numerical order. When I first went there, the numbers were still on the stones, but faded. Sadly they are now all gone but the European Medieval Art is prevalent. Its got gorgeous relics and a few chapels. When I really get married it would be really posh and expensive yet cool if I could get married there. Outside the Cloisters, the grounds of Fort Tryon park is amazing. You can see the Hudson River and you actually forget you are in an urban city. If you look for a place to relax and just be at one with yourself and your surroundings this is the place for it

6) Renaissance Fairs/Medieval Festivals
I love them. I know there is a nerd quality to it all however being a history buff, loving britain, loving the clothing, how can I not love them. There are jousts, people dressed as knights, kings, queens, maidens, faeries, monks, scribes, blacksmiths, wenches, pirates, and goth kids just blend the fuck in! LOL. Corsets galore and tits just ready to pop! I love corsets and everytime I go I wish I had a cool one. They also sell really cool costumes, trinkets, art, makeup, face painting, psychics. They also have entertainers, poets, mandolin players, singers singing songs from that era of time, dancers, magicians, jokers, gypsies. They put on great shows and its one of the few times I think any parent is capable of having their kids sit in a circle quietly while a man dressed as a monk tells stories to children. Like I know they have story time in nursery school but its not the same. I actually saw it yesterday and I stood mesmerized. It was actually beautiful to me. It was from another time. As for the food, its the only place a lady can be dainty yet push all that aside while shes gnawing on a huge turkey drumstick like a bear gnawing on its leg in a trap. They sell old fashion style food but of course with gyros, pizza, potato salad, pepsi and candy bars like snickers are sold as well. Its actually awesome when you buy candy and the guy at the booth dressed as one fo the three musketeers says “Here is thou snickers bar, m’lady” LOL Classic.

7) Cyndi Lauper

Ive loved her since the 80s. She was my salvation. She was weird yet talented. A set of pipes that you wouldnt expect from such a tiny little woman. She waas wild and crazy yet you can tell that the persona wasnt something that she used in her personal life. Like she was a regular woman who just looked wild and was who she was. Basically she wasnt trashing hotel rooms, doing a bunch of drugs and getting into the papers about it. She loved her mom and made sure the world knew it. She had her mom in so many of her videos. She also became famous fairly late in her life although she didnt look it. While most entertainers in the 80s were in their early 20s she was already in her 30s but showed she could be just as innovated and new as the next person. Shes my inspiration. At 34, Im not worried about becoming known late. I know I can still do it. Cyndi is 50 something now and she can still be powerful when she performs. The True Colors tour is going strong and I will go to one next year I vow to afford it lol!

8) Real Estate/Interior Design
Ever since I was little, we struggled with money. We were on welfare once. A neighbor called child services on my mom because I was home alone when I was 6 however thankfully being a latch key during those days wasnt as illegal as it is now. Mom also worked for Child Services so that was a bonus. I also had the rest of the neighborhood looking after me cuz everyone (aside from that racist bitch) loved my mom. We always barely made it by. I learned to cook, clean, and balance a check book before I reached junior high. Due to all of that and my vivid imagination I have always been able to combine the two and imagine buying a home and decorating it. I would go to libraries and get decorating books and look through the Pennysave and format how much money i would need to buy the home, buy furniture, etc and figure out how much it would all be. To this day I go online look at real estate and then figure out how would I decorate it. I love doing it, it basically means when the time comes that I can afford my own home I will know how to budget my place and still make it look awesome.

9) Cooking
Well since I was home a lone a lot I had to cook for myself. Most kids at 6 werent allowed to use the stove cuz of the whole fire thing but I had to figure it out. Of course at first I was lousy at it and when my uncle realized I had to do these things on my own, he figured since he went to culinary school he might as well teach me the basics. Thankfully he did and i figured out how to make a decent sandwich, make eggs, cook a chicken in the oven, etc. He only taught me the basics though. As time went on I thought it was boring so I started experimenting and I learned how to make pretty decent food. I loved experimenting and then taste testing all my food. Of course, as you can see to this day, there was a downside to it all….. but whatever, I may be a big girl but at least I know what a peanut butter cheesecake tastes like mmmmm……

10. The 80s

Everything 80s. The music the movies, the tv, the people, the cartoons, the toys, the clothes, the video games. It was all so awesomely ridiculous. We didnt think so then, but when you look back now, its just soooo much fun to think about and be nostalgic about. I mean you the the 80s you think neon, fluorescent, synthesizers. It was a time where people just kept on going with ideas… and aquanet. The 80s impacted me in music and acting. MTV made it so that every type of music was visible. You could choose which you liked. I liked sooo many different types I was able to blend my own sound. I love the idea of having different influences in my music hence the reason when people ask me what type of music I sing I always have a hard time answering because its a mix of a lot of things lol. As for acting, all these different types of movies and tv shows would come out with ridiculous plot lines and they sounded feasible. I wanted to be princess leia, I wanted to be Sarah, I wanted to be Atreyu ( I also WANTED Atreyu… omg Noah Hathaway, he was 12 I was 8, yum) It made me realize that anything was possible. I love the 80s and I love the nostalgia.

Music Review: Amanda Palmer

August 13, 2009
The Great Amanda Palmer with the Danger Ensemble

The Great Amanda Palmer with the Danger Ensemble

You don’t come across musicians like Amanda Palmer as often as you would like (well, at least as often as I would like!).

Back in the day musicians, painters, actors, writers, all joined together to live their art. They would have collaborations and feed each others creativity. It was supposed to be. The knowledge that every artistic endeavor, be it music or fine art accented the other. Art in all its forms were each others’ muse.

Today, while we respect the different genres and classifications of art, we don’t see bands like Fall Out Boy having intense artistic retreats with painters or poets. These days all we see is the celebrity. The parties they go to and make spectacles of themselves so they can be famous. Its not about growing as an artist.

Now granted, I’m not saying ALL are like that and who knows, maybe Pete Wentz and Maya Angelou do have tea parties in the park discussing culture and its influence in art. I’m not a paparazzo so how would I know? My point is, if it is happening, you sure as hell don’t hear about it as often as I feel is important.


If you don’t know who Amanda Palmer is, for shame! You totally should! Massachusetts-brewed Amanda Palmer first made herself known to the masses (ok well I can only speak for me) in the punk cabaret band The Dresden Dolls. Now focusing on her solo work for the time being she has a most fabulous album called “Who Killed Amanda Palmer”. I have to tell you, this woman already impressed me and won me over in The Dresden Dolls, they are one of my favorite bands but she has won my respect and support in all her future endeavors with this album.

This album floored me. I heard the album and songs like Runs in the Family, Astronaut, Guitar Hero, Oasis (to name only a small few) were just smacks of shock to my face. Only Amanda could make Oasis (a song about rape and abortion) a fun little diddy. The emotions run rampant in this whole album, its funny, scary, sad, and makes you think. Its real. Its life. When I first heard the cd I loved all the songs, still do. Later on I realized through the magic of Youtube, that she did a dvd video compilation to go along with many of the songs from the album. I heard the whole album and didn’t realized that the songs were dipicting a story. Its a musical. At least thats what I got from it. Very avant guarde and contemporary. I watched it and it made me cry.

*note to everyone, when something artistic makes me cry…. its a fabulous thing*

I will be honest, if you are looking for an angelic, innocent sound like Tori Amos or Kate Bush, then you’re out of luck. Although she follows in their footsteps when it comes to imagery and boldness in their lyrics, the sound isn’t ethereal. Tori makes the music sound innocent and pure with her voice and composing of music while Kate uses prose and symbolic wording. I love both but Amanda handles it differently. She much more brave in her songs. Yes its beautiful, shes an amazing pianist, you can tell when she’s playing the emotion is hitting those keys. Yes she may not have the angelic voice Tori or Kate has but the love and the emotion is in it 10 times more. It’s real. It’s home. Its your eccentric cousin laying down her weirdness for you to hear. She may be the black sheep of the family but you look forward to sitting next to her and listening to what she has to say because although you may be more quiet, shes pretty much saying things most of us are afraid to hear yet we all relate to in one way, shape, or form. She has no problem being blunt. Who knew being blunt and honest could be so fucking beautiful???

Aside from the music, she is still one of the most artistic people I have ever heard and read about. Her blog (look to the left of my page shes the first one on my blog roll) and twitter are endless pictures and discussions about meetings with fellow artists, working on different projects, traveling the world, doing her own art, and helping other artists with their own projects. This is a woman who thinks like the artists of the past did and I fucking love that!!! Artistry can have a focus on music but music alone can be boring. Fine art, poetry, theater, all of it need to be in constant contact. It needs to be discussed, worshiped, praised, and studied. You can tell in Amanda’s style and in her way of thinking that she believes in a mantra that follows these ideals.

Oh! One thing I always thought was really awesome about her! Before she really made it to where she is now, she would make money as a performance artist in the streets of Boston. She was the Eight Foot Bride, a living statue. Here’s a pic:

Amanda Palmer as the Eight Foot Bride

Amanda Palmer as the Eight Foot Bride

Whenever I see Amanda and hear her speak or blog, it makes me so happy. No I’m not an obsessed with the woman (I’m too lazy AND too busy at the same time so yeah never gonna happen for ANYONE) in fact, that’s WHY I think she’s so awesome. She doesn’t come off as better than anyone. She’s an equal. I’m friends with people like her. She’s an artist who is just an artist and enjoys being so. As an aspiring actress, writer, and singer, seeing her do what she does, doesn’t make me wish I was her, because shes just like me. It just makes me feel good to know I’m not alone in my way of thinking. That its possible to be that way and be successful.

Artistry is all. If you need to know what that means, do your research. Check out Amanda Fucking Palmer!

Video time. God, there are soo many to choose from. This is the video for Runs In the Family which is part 4 of the “Who Killed Amanda Palmer” video series. I highly suggest checking them all out in order.