Posts Tagged ‘blog’

I think Im a pretty good effin friend.

March 5, 2010

Nobody is perfect. I would never claim to be. Nor would I expect anyone to be perfect. That being said, Im so exhausted.

Today was rough. I tried not to think it would be a rough day but I woke up and couldnt leave to therapy because I had no money for a metrocard. I had really wanted to go to therapy. Ive missed a session or two and I need to get stuff out.

The last time I had therapy was the first time my therapist didnt just let me talk but made an observation.

She told me” It seems like you have a lot of friendships that dont satisfy you. Almost like you tolerate them and put up with them despite the fact that they take advantage or walk all over you even though you dont want that. Like you accept these friendships and dont want to lose them because you dont think you deserve better friends.”

Now, I dont know how much of that is true. The fact of the matter is, I KNOW DAMN WELL I deserve to be respected. I deserve to have friends that dont take advantage of me or fucking shrug me off. I do deserve better than being treated that way.

That being said, I dont think all of my friends think of me that way.

Today though, it really hit me hard. Let me explain why….

So since the beginning of February, every Thursday night Jay and I have been booking shows at Beauty Bar in Brooklyn. We’ve been doing it for a month now and the owner is so cool hes let us stay there indefinitely. Its such a fun time. You get to perform, hear your friends perform, and if you are a performer you get free drinks. We book from 7pm till whenever the hell they close on Thursday nights. Its been a lot of fun. Oh! By the way, even though Jay and I are in the band, The JSE. These acoustic sets that have just been him and myself (sans bass and drummer) have been named. We are known as The LoveMuffins. Yup. I said it. Its awesome and funny.

There is one thing though. None of my friends have come out. Dont misunderstand. Jay and I have mutual friends and some of them have come out but people I personally invite for the most part havent showed up.

Beana I get, The Beans is a busy mommy so I get it. She wants to even go into managing and hopefully managing us. She is dying to come out so I know she wants to come and is planning on it.

In fact I get most issues. Its a Thursday night. Its in Brooklyn.

I get it I get it I mother fucking get it. You know what else I get? I also get that a lot of people that have told me “Oh Im so sorry but its this or that and I cant go and blah blah blah” are the same people who post pics and talk about going out to dinner and drinks with friends in Williamsburg or trekking out to the city when they live in Brooklyn. I see people with all these plans meanwhile I ask them to come out and “Oh the moon the stars the sky”.

Fine. Im bitching. Im being a whiny baby. Whatever. Ive tried to support my friends. The same people who invite me to things that I cant afford to go to. We perform at 7pm or at least try to just because I KNOW people need to go home early to get some sleep. (Btw, I see you fuckers on facebook at 1 in the morning remember I got insomnia bitches). Its a free show, no one needs to pay to go. Its right across the street from the train. Hell its right UNDERNEATH the train so its not like Im asking anyone to trek far in God knows where. I even know people who live or work a few blocks away and yet nothing.

Look, I dont think Im asking for too much. Im not asking for people to come to every show. When you are an artist trying to get a show, you need to draw a crowd. Thats how it goes. I depend on my friends to be there at least once in a while. Ive performed over 5 times now, even when I was sick and while people Jay know and friends of OURS show up. Friends of MINE havent been there. I dont think anyone really understands how heartbreaking that it. It makes me realize that I dont have as many friends as I genuinely thought I did. Im not drawing a crowd because I dont have a crowd to draw.

So, Im done. Youre still gonna get invites from me whether you plan on coming or not. Thats how I try to get a draw. This is work for me and respect it. If you dont want to come, then dont do what my newest pet peeve is and rsvp that you are coming and not show. I dont need you to fucking humor me. I need honest decisions. Rsvp maybe instead. I mean there is a reason thats an option.

Some of you may even be like “Omg eww she knows I cant go because of this or that why is she mad at me? blah blah blah”

Look, some of you I know have genuine reasons why you cant come out. However many of you dont. Out of everyone that gave me excuses or didnt even care enough to tell me anything I can count the ones that were genuine or believable on my hand.

297 Friends on Facebook and I had no draw. Tell me thats not fucked up. I mother fucking dare you.

How many times can i say fuck in this blog? LOL
This isnt an oh woe is me blog. This is a fuck you mother fuckers in the fucking fuck blog!

Be warned

November 15, 2009

I went to see Amanda Palmer play the Music Hall of Williamsburg. This will require a blog. This is your warning. Carry on.

Is the Blog Dead? Am I Wasting My Time? No! I say! No!

May 27, 2009

I was sent this link: http://www.wired.com/entertainment/theweb/magazine/16-11/st_essay

This link (in case you dont feel like reading it) basically says if you are someone who wants to be a successful blogger to give up! Forget about it! Stop wasting your time! No one will read it!

I’ve been trying to get people to read my blog a lot the past few days I really want people to read it. I do want it to be successful. I want to have a huge following. I really think that having people who keep tabs on what I say and whats going on will be prepared when I have a cd out, or my webshow, or if I have a gig in the area and I want people to come out, if they happen to be in the area, I would love for them to come on by. The more publicity the better. I also really enjoy meeting new people.

So yeah I want to have a lot of people read this, but if it doesnt happen, is it worth it for me to stop blogging? Hell to the fucking no!

First and foremost I have always loved to write. Its what I enjoy doing. I tend to babble and as many of you have seen I can babble in my writing too. I do my best to edit but blogging is a release for me. I thoroughly enjoy it. Whether no one or a whole mess of people read it, I will STILL write. I enjoy it too much to stop. I would have posted like 5 blogs last night if I didnt restrain myself.

The link says that there are so many bloggers who are either famous or have degrees in journalism that regular people arent getting their voices heard. Really? I havent really thought that when people look for blogs that they say “gee i dont want someone I can relate to let me find some obscure journalist to read”. Im sure it happens but I know quite a few people who enjoy reading what people have in their head. Its fun.

I know if I were famous people would read it more but I would rather be the artist who had a blog before her fame than be the artist who felt obligated to write a journal to get their fans to feel some sort of bond with them. They would feel more of a bond if they go to this artists blog and see there are in fact archives of blogs that they posted before they were well known. It would be more real. I AM real.

And if cred is really what you seek I was an acting major at Suffolk Community College and when I transfered to Hunter for like a semester I changed my major to Media Arts: Journalism so I DO have a few weeks of journalism classes in my head if it makes you feel better.

Blogging is my way of expression. If no one wants to read it hey, its all good. I know my friends will if they want and thats all that matters. I feel better doing this. It helps the wheels in my head turn and be creative in other ways like music and of course writing. I have a lot going on in my life and I need to put it somewhere.

So no. The blog may be dying, but it will never die cuz Im not the only one who thinks like I do.