Posts Tagged ‘rant’

I’m gonna sound off

September 24, 2010

MY TURN TO BITCH!

Ok so as of late I have had a lot of pretty cool things happen. I got a new desk that wont collapse on top of me, (woohoo!!) Annnnnnd…

I am typing this blog from my new iMac!!! Thats right folks! One of my major goals and dreams have happened. I can say that this year was my year. Sure not everything I wanted to happen, happened but I got some things accomplished and thats good enough for me. Besides, the year isnt over yet!

So, despite such great things, lately I have been just watching my facebook. I see friends and acquaintances post their status updates and I just shake my head. Not all of my friends but many people I know on facebook have just been very vocal about their opinions concerning politics, religion, race, etc. Dont get me wrong, its great to be vocal and here I am doing the same thing so I dont judge on that its just… I dunno, its all been so negative. Everyone is complaining about EVERYTHING.

Now I’m not blind. A lot of stuff has been happening lately that is worthy of many a complaint however, so many of these friends of mine have just blatantly stopped talking about themselves and just focus on what is pissing them off. I mean I do it too but I make sure I update about myself. I mean thats the purpose of facebook. To see how people are doing. How are YOU doing? Whats going on with YOU? I already know about the mosque, and the politics, and current events, I hear you but where the hell are YOU?

So just to get it out of the way, here’s my view on everything going on lately and yeah, Im highly aware many of my friends will be angry and Im sorry but fuck you, I dont agree with you and to be very honest it saddens me how many people I know are truly blinded by upbringing and brainwashing. Open your fucking eyes and do some fucking research before saying shit. You have no idea how stupid you sound some of you, seriously. I’m not a rocket scientist, in fact I am well aware that many of my friends think Im flakey and a bit naive but Im not a dumbass…. I am just taking the time out here on my blog to vent my own opinion on everything because I refuse to dwell on drama and have it especially attacked on facebook. These are just MY opinions and I rather post it here instead of getting backlash on facebook so… moving on.

1.) The mosque. Shut it. Just stop bitching about it. I’m done. I dont want to fucking hear anymore bullshit in regards to it. Their was a mosque within the area PRIOR to 9/11, and they are not building the mosque ON the site, its within a few blocks. Dont give me the “its an insult or its too soon” bullshit because you know what, muslims were killed at 9/11 too if they want to put up a mosque in downtown manhattan, let them. Get over it. There is a lot of fucked up shit going on in this country that we have no choice to put up with, that a community center that promotes awareness and religious tolerance is the LAST thing anyone should be bitching about. Have you seen yourselves on tv making asses out of yourselves, showing the world exactly how INtolerant you are? You’re making us look bad, we already have a lot to be embarrassed about dont add to it.

2) Stop bitching about what a rotten job Obama is doing. Im not saying that cuz I still support the guy, I’m saying it because I got news for all of you: no matter who is in charge, you are not going to be happy. They all suck. Why? Because this country is under the misconception that the President has all the power. That is a lie. He appoints a cabinet to tell him what to do. Then he either agrees or disagrees. We all bitched about Bush, and yeah he sucked. Why? Because he couldnt even pretend that he knew wtf he was doing. Obama at least admits that he is a human being that is TRYING to do the best he can. Is he? Probably not, hes screwed up a lot but a lot of the stuff he has to deal with is stuff that Bush left for him to clean up. I know you guys who love Bush hate when people say that but babies, the bottom line, republicans and democrats BOTH fuck it up. What works? Who knows? We are all human expecting someone of a higher authority to save us from our problems meanwhile they live in it too. No one is going to fix all the worlds problems. Btw I love that they blame Obama for the oil spill. Really people? I had no idea as prerequisite for the job as President you need to know how to build oil rigs and figure out how to stop them should they have a spill. Look he isnt trying to fix things fast enough but he didnt CAUSE it. If you are going to blame anyone blame BP and then the government, and then those who depend on that oil, and then ourselves for not being more aware and willing to use alternative fuel techniques. Stop blaming and just figure out how we can fix things!

3) Read a fucking book!….. dont mean fiction although thats fine, but I mean read history books, books on true crime, books about countries and wars, and art and cultures. I just think if people read more instead of listen to the bullshit news that comes out the television then maybe people would be more rational about why things happen.

4) Genocide is real. Why am I saying that? Because I actually had an argument with someone who tried to tell me that the Armenian Genocide never happened. Look, when more than hundreds of people die and their culture is scarred for life with the memory of family members that suffered and died and their government either did nothing or were the cause, its a fucking genocide. Its not just a “tragedy”, it hurts people today, and to sit their and deny such a horrible thing is like saying “yeah i dont think your people suffered” and thats fucked up.

5) Stop fucking telling me to remember 9/11. How the hell do you expect me to forget? It is the most insulting thing to tell me because you actually think that it meant nothing to anyone except you and you know its not true. I am so tired of these public memorials. I know that sounds horrible but seriously how are the victims and families of them supposed to move on and overcome their sadness? Its bad enough that they are left with financial difficulties, raising children on their own, or whatever other obstacle that comes their way. They don’t need people telling them “Remember 9/11” If you forgot, you have senility, dementia, alzheimers, or brain damage. Even if you DONT remember that day, Im sure you have been informed enough to have an idea.

6) Leave Lady Gaga alone!!! LOL. Seriously. I dont care if you dont like her. I dont like half the shit you people listen to but I respect you enough to not talk too much shit. Yeah she brought former military personnel to the VMAs as a representation of those who were kicked out of the military due to don’t ask don’t tell. So what? Why does her opinion on the situation piss you off so much? Why the fuck do you care? Yeah of course its shameless, shes a mother fucking celebrity!! The gay community is her biggest following. I find it honorable and fucking awesome when a celeb respects the fans that got them where they are. Those former military personnel weren’t bound and dragged there. They went willingly. Just cuz you dont agree doesnt make Gaga someone that deserves to be shit on. Get over it.

7) Ok this is a biggie cuz I know many friends on facebook who are in the military. Let me say this, I applaud you. I respect you. I can never even attempt to assume to know the dramatic and traumatic events you went through. I will never pretend to know what you all go through, what your job entails, and everything that goes with it. Your job is great, your job is a job I would never be able to do. I am a pussy. I am a hands down, pussy. I bow to you all in reverence for what you do for this country. That being said, I really truly HATE violence. I get it, its part of your job. It doesn’t mean I have to like it. I have certain friends AND family members who have posted pics of themselves with their troop all giving the “rock on” horn sign with their fingers while they have their guns to the heads of muslims that are blindfolded. I dont fucking care if they are terrorists, or the devil incarnate. Its not something to be proud of. Im so sorry! You dont see cops arresting a serial killer with a shit eating grin do ya? There is nothing happy about getting someone who has done wrong. If I was in a room with someone who killed people I cared about, innocent victims, I wouldnt be smiling. I would be crying. I would be angry. I would have done the right thing and that requires no fun times. I shouldnt have to see you having fun doing a very serious and tragic job. Also, you can sit there and say its not right if someone in the military is sentenced to the crime of abuse of a muslim inmate or whatever. Its not about the abuse. You are in the military. The job that is known primarily for following orders, and doing everything by protocol. To abuse an inmate, whether they deserve it or not. Is wrong, plain and simple. I dont care if you think the crime isnt as bad as what terrorists do. It doesnt fucking matter. Its the law and its broken. Thats how we are taught and that is what is being punished. I would bust my ass to make sure that people saw me as the model military person. I would want to be the savior. I wouldnt want to do something to tarnish that view. How do you expect other nations to see us as a positive influence on any country if you insist on applauding the violence that I understand very well is necessary but still painful for others to see. We are not Neanderthals anymore. This isn’t Sparta. I know I am no authority but again, I have the right to my own opinion however ill informed you may assume it is. Its still mine. However I will never… stop supporting my troops. I think of you all everyday and always hope that you are all safe and to keep doing the job that a good military person is supposed to do. In my eyes, you all deserve purple hearts just for joining.

8) Ok, from the military to the other gamut. Vegans. LOL. Shut the fuck up. I am not talking about vegetarians or NICE vegans. I am talking about REAL vegans. I got something to say to you people. Leave me the fuck alone and get off your high fiber horse! You know I respect you for going the route of not eating meat or dairy. I get there are many things you refuse to eat and thats fine. However why must you INSIST on making me feel bad for NOT being a vegan? Why must you HATE on anyone who ISNT a vegan? I’ve been at parties where there were vegans and they actually would look at everyone and make the smelling onions face. (You know that face, where the upper lip is curled to the side and the rest of the mouth is in a grimace? … Got the visual?…. Ok good) Just judging everyone for eating things that they wouldnt. Trying to tell me to not eat turkey on Thanksgiving. (Yeah I’m talking to you, Fiona Apple!). Oh and stopping a concert early because you smell a bbq in the distance and therefore smell meat cooking and then announce to the audience “I hope to God it’s human” (Yeah, I’m talking to you too Morrissey!!!). Really? You would stop a concert jerkoff knowing people paid good money to see you because other people are living normal lives in the distance and doing something you just dont approve of? I love your music Morrissey but you truly are a dick. Vegans you also lead me to those who may not even be vegan but just live the lifestyles of organic food only, stop buying corporate, uh… wearing reusable tampons, the diva cup, not shaving, anti vanity. Look. The bottom line is this: If you live a life where you do these things, more power to you. I applaud you living your life the way YOU want to. So therefore, dont persecute me for not living it like YOU. I like to shave, I dont even wear regular tampons, Im stick to maxi pads thank you very much! I love pernil and any meat that exists, I fucking ate alligator this past weekend and it was heavenly! I also dig shopping at whole foods and costco so sue me!

9)Ok another touchy subject. I have many friends who are parents. God bless ya! I’m too selfish to be one. Its too much work and I want to do things for me not a kid. Sorry. But I love looking at pictures of your children, Im sure they are lovely and when I can I try to comment. No issue with pics of kids in general. HOWEVER, if you are a parent who puts your child’s picture as your OWN for YOUR profile pic AAAAAAAANNNND that is ALL you have for pics of you… for shame. Look every once in a blue moon making a pic of your child as your profile pic, i get it. You love your kid. Its your flesh and blood therefore its a part of YOU. So yeah seeing a pic of your kid as your profile pic once in a while is awesome. However, I did NOT add your CHILD as a friend on facebook, I chose YOU. I mean, do you realize that strangers can see your child’s pic when they do searches even if you make your profile private? Why would you do that? Its a risk I would never take with my child. Plus I have issues with allowing any child under the age of 16 on facebook. These days with cyber bullying and what not its just not the safest thing in the world. Yes put up an album DEVOTED to your children so your friends and family can see them but its not you. Its kinda creepy. You are you, so BE you and put up a pic of yourself… this leads me to….

10) Seriously, why get a facebook if you refuse to post a pic of yourself or talk to people on it. Do you think youre ugly? Are you really that self conscious? If you are then you need to see a therapist. Its not hard. Friends can tag pics THEY put up of you and you can make it your profile pic. If I havent seen you in forever, I wanna know what you look like now. I cant hug you via the internet and see you. Cut me some slack! I got my pic up the least you can do is put yours up. If your excuse is you dont know how, you have friends dammit OR you have kids. FOUR year olds can post pics up for crying out loud let one of THEM do it. If you cant make that effort I dont understand why you bother having a facebook, social networking sites are NOT important. If your life is THAT hectic that you cant take 5 minutes to post a pic then you dont need to be on facebook.

So… I know this is just me being judgmental and overly opinionated but… thats the whole point. THIS is what I have been seeing on facebook for MONTHS now. Would you want to see this every time you logged into facebook?

Friends, please, take a rest. Talk about yourself every once in a while. Think about things that are positive. Try posting something good not just for the reader but for yourself. There has to be something to update on your status thats positive even if its something simple like “I got up today and am breathing” it will make me smile. It will make your friends smile too cuz that means you are still you and you exist.

I hope my opinions dont insult too many people. Its not my intention to hurt anyone. It was just my intention of venting my own frustrations so you wouldnt have to deal with it on a regular basis on dear old Facebook!

Woohoo!! One less worry!!!

April 15, 2010

Just look at the many possibilities!

So I wanted to discuss something thats truly been bugging me lately. I just want to preface it with, “if any of my friends or acquaintances feel offended or angered by my way of thinking, I respect your opinion but please shove it up your ass since this is a blog about how I PERSONALLY feel” That being said….

I got my EBT Card! I actually got it a few days ago but they just put the money on it now so woohoo! For those of you who dont know what an EBT card is, its basically food stamps. The term food stamps is odd now since they no longer give you actual stamps of money specifically designed for buying food and instead just give you a card you can swipe at the store. I have a lot to say about this.

I am embarrassed that I am on it, yet extremely thankful.

I have friends who tell me I shouldnt be embarrassed and they are right. I need help right now and this will help me. The thing about it is, Ive just noticed more and more people on facebook, people who know me and otherwise, LIKE me, just talk horrible horrible shit about the idea of public assistance. Im talking people who know I am struggling and really cant go out and party like I would like. People who know I am busted when it comes to getting a metrocard even, have been just insisting its horrible that their tax money goes into public assistance.

I dont think they realize how insulting and hurtful it is to read that. One of the main reasons is because I GET it. I totally understand how you work hard for your money and it should be yours. I understand that but to say that AND say how people who are having a hard time making ends meet dont deserve your money or your help? Really?

I mean ok, I can tell you first hand how annoying it is to see so many people on public assistance who truly and clearly DONT deserve it. Ive seen them. Ive been to the offices for public assistance quite a few times and trust me I know what you are talking about. I see people claiming they are broke meanwhile own blackberrys and laptops and other expensive techno that really isnt a necessity . I cant count the number of times Ive been on line at the grocery behind a snotty posh looking woman with tons of jewelry on and a fur coat and a gucci bag and the next thing you see is her pulling out her ebt card. Yes, this has happened a lot in my neighborhood of Rego Park. The one woman I am talking about even rides in a limo, Im not even joking. Im pretty sure shes russian mob but whatever… my point is, I see the injustice of the situation. There are people on it that dont deserve it. I also dont agree with people who have bad criminal records getting it too. I mean if you victimize people why should the people help you. I get that line of reasoning too.

HOWEVER experiencing the trials and tribulations of getting this help (because I got news for you people who are NOT on it, its not as easy as you think to get it) for every one douchenozzle in there that clearly doesnt need the help, there are 3 homeless men with mental issues that has no one helping them get what they need done, there are women with 2 kids by themselves crying at the front desk asking for help, there are people who have their heads down in shame because they actually HAD a good job and they dont feel they belong there because they thought just like YOU did. That their money is their own and people who dont have jobs shouldnt get the help because they arent working for it. Well, now they dont have jobs and cant get jobs and dont know how they got in this situation. The look of fear, confusing, shame, anger, blankness, is everywhere. No one in those offices is happy. No one is in there acting like they are getting something over on anyone. Then there is someone like me, who has tried to get a real job but just hasnt been able to. I live with my mom who supports me even when she SHOULD be retired because shes 68 years old and tired. I sleep on a futon in my moms one bedroom apartment cuz we cant afford a regular one. When you dont have enough money to buy tons of food you end up buying more rice and pasta ingredients because those dishes last for days so you end up saving money and when you are a type 2 diabetic, rice and pasta arent the healthiest things to eat. The job I DO have doesnt pay me as often as it should and I am suffering. I dont like it. I hate depending on others for help. But I have to.

So, yes I dont like being on public assistance but today is one of the happiest days Ive had in a long while because I am going to be able buy food thats healthy and make good dishes. And I am honored and thankful I have an EBT Card.

For those of you who are annoyed Im taking your tax dollars, dont worry. I am looking for work and I will pay my taxes so it will come back to you somehow. Eventually one day years from now I will make enough money that I will move out of this country so you wont have to worry about me getting a dime of your money anymore. In the meantime I am off to the city to go to Whole Foods, (they dont have one by me) Rock On!!

Can we please just butt out….

March 31, 2010

You know, Ive made my rant about Tiger Woods a while back about his infidelity and my thoughts on it but now Im so over this trend.

Tiger Woods, Jesse James…I get it. They cheated. They are idiots. Get over it.

I think people forget that its really none of our business. I mean dont get me wrong, Im all for the “Ooooh Tiger Woods cheated on his wife” or the “Aww how can Jesse James do that to Sandra Bullock”. I hear ya, my ears prick up when the gossip hits the air waves but there is a limit here people. You hear about it, then move on. Its one thing to know the issue its another to have to know every detail.

I feel so bad for Sandra Bullock right now. Shes got a lot to deal with. The one thing I always thought was so awesome about her was that no matter what was going on she was pretty much a private person even when she made news like when Jesse James’ stalker woman came to the house, or the whole child custody thing, or when her mother passed away. Despite us knowing those things happened, she still was relatively private and I truly respected that.

Now its like the media is pushing her to talk. Everyone wants to hear about what she thinks.

ITS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS! LEAVE THE POOR WOMAN ALONE!

Look once we learned about the infidelity, thats when it should have been done. Fine these mistresses are getting tons of press, so what. Focus on them all you want most normal people could give a toss! I know I dont care what those women think. Especially that little nazi loving freak Jesse was screwing (yeah what the hell, lady? Really?) Just let Sandra and Jesse deal with this on their own.

I always worry about the children in these scenarios. Tiger’s kids are relatively small babies or toddlers so it may not effect them as much but Jesse’s kid is of age. Passed 5 I believe and has to not only deal with a child custody battle between her dad and her druggie porn star mom but now has to hear about her dad having sex with a bunch of women. Like jeez, back off people!

Bottom line: Yes, Tiger and Jesse are cheaters, they arent the only ones in existence. Just get over it and move on. Let them deal with this matter that happens to be highly sensitive and private… privately.

As for the mistresses. You should be ashamed of yourselves. Just seriously. I dont care what your agendas are. Just shut the hell up.

Im still here dammit…

March 28, 2010

I promised myself that I wouldnt come here to bring drama or complain about my problems. I really wanted to be a positive as I could be on this blog. I feel that yes, its good to vent your problems but I dont want people to sit there, read this, and think “OMG shes so emo, get over it blah blah blah”. So I do sincerely avoid it as much as possible. Hence the reason I havent blogged in a really long time other than during the Oscars which was a few weeks ago.

So yes there is a lot going on. I wanna put it all in here but trust me if I wrote it all out you would think it was insane so therefore, lets just leave it at, Im really in a bad place. I do my best to not be in that bad place around others but it truly is so bad that its hard to hide it. I am in a negative zone but it doesnt mean Im not positive about getting out of it and pulling myself into a BETTER place. I have faith still and I know I will be there. Will I post everything thats going on with me and my mom right now? I dunno. Like I said I want to but to see it up in a blog, I hate reading it personally so I can only imagine what others would think. It doesnt help that lately Ive been judged more and more and the judgments have been hitting me hard. Off handed remarks that people make about me really jolt me. Im not saying they are wrong, in fact thats what really bums me out. Im aware of what my problems are and the judgments just validated it and Im really not in the zone to take those judgments and make it better for myself. I just take it and get very very depressed.

I have recently been given the dvd of The Secret. I wanna watch it but its been recommended to me that I should read the book first. Its not a big book so I could read it quickly but Ive been told many times that this book/dvd would help me.

I do intend on posting. When I dont know but no worries, I will get out of this. I promise.

I think Im a pretty good effin friend.

March 5, 2010

Nobody is perfect. I would never claim to be. Nor would I expect anyone to be perfect. That being said, Im so exhausted.

Today was rough. I tried not to think it would be a rough day but I woke up and couldnt leave to therapy because I had no money for a metrocard. I had really wanted to go to therapy. Ive missed a session or two and I need to get stuff out.

The last time I had therapy was the first time my therapist didnt just let me talk but made an observation.

She told me” It seems like you have a lot of friendships that dont satisfy you. Almost like you tolerate them and put up with them despite the fact that they take advantage or walk all over you even though you dont want that. Like you accept these friendships and dont want to lose them because you dont think you deserve better friends.”

Now, I dont know how much of that is true. The fact of the matter is, I KNOW DAMN WELL I deserve to be respected. I deserve to have friends that dont take advantage of me or fucking shrug me off. I do deserve better than being treated that way.

That being said, I dont think all of my friends think of me that way.

Today though, it really hit me hard. Let me explain why….

So since the beginning of February, every Thursday night Jay and I have been booking shows at Beauty Bar in Brooklyn. We’ve been doing it for a month now and the owner is so cool hes let us stay there indefinitely. Its such a fun time. You get to perform, hear your friends perform, and if you are a performer you get free drinks. We book from 7pm till whenever the hell they close on Thursday nights. Its been a lot of fun. Oh! By the way, even though Jay and I are in the band, The JSE. These acoustic sets that have just been him and myself (sans bass and drummer) have been named. We are known as The LoveMuffins. Yup. I said it. Its awesome and funny.

There is one thing though. None of my friends have come out. Dont misunderstand. Jay and I have mutual friends and some of them have come out but people I personally invite for the most part havent showed up.

Beana I get, The Beans is a busy mommy so I get it. She wants to even go into managing and hopefully managing us. She is dying to come out so I know she wants to come and is planning on it.

In fact I get most issues. Its a Thursday night. Its in Brooklyn.

I get it I get it I mother fucking get it. You know what else I get? I also get that a lot of people that have told me “Oh Im so sorry but its this or that and I cant go and blah blah blah” are the same people who post pics and talk about going out to dinner and drinks with friends in Williamsburg or trekking out to the city when they live in Brooklyn. I see people with all these plans meanwhile I ask them to come out and “Oh the moon the stars the sky”.

Fine. Im bitching. Im being a whiny baby. Whatever. Ive tried to support my friends. The same people who invite me to things that I cant afford to go to. We perform at 7pm or at least try to just because I KNOW people need to go home early to get some sleep. (Btw, I see you fuckers on facebook at 1 in the morning remember I got insomnia bitches). Its a free show, no one needs to pay to go. Its right across the street from the train. Hell its right UNDERNEATH the train so its not like Im asking anyone to trek far in God knows where. I even know people who live or work a few blocks away and yet nothing.

Look, I dont think Im asking for too much. Im not asking for people to come to every show. When you are an artist trying to get a show, you need to draw a crowd. Thats how it goes. I depend on my friends to be there at least once in a while. Ive performed over 5 times now, even when I was sick and while people Jay know and friends of OURS show up. Friends of MINE havent been there. I dont think anyone really understands how heartbreaking that it. It makes me realize that I dont have as many friends as I genuinely thought I did. Im not drawing a crowd because I dont have a crowd to draw.

So, Im done. Youre still gonna get invites from me whether you plan on coming or not. Thats how I try to get a draw. This is work for me and respect it. If you dont want to come, then dont do what my newest pet peeve is and rsvp that you are coming and not show. I dont need you to fucking humor me. I need honest decisions. Rsvp maybe instead. I mean there is a reason thats an option.

Some of you may even be like “Omg eww she knows I cant go because of this or that why is she mad at me? blah blah blah”

Look, some of you I know have genuine reasons why you cant come out. However many of you dont. Out of everyone that gave me excuses or didnt even care enough to tell me anything I can count the ones that were genuine or believable on my hand.

297 Friends on Facebook and I had no draw. Tell me thats not fucked up. I mother fucking dare you.

How many times can i say fuck in this blog? LOL
This isnt an oh woe is me blog. This is a fuck you mother fuckers in the fucking fuck blog!

Really just shocked and saddened by the news but more at the negative reactions…

February 27, 2010

Beautiful Concepcion, Chile, Before the Quake

So as many of you know, Chile has been devastated by a massive massive earthquake. Over 200 people have died and counting. It originally had the epicenter in Concepcion, Chile, if my facts are correct but its been felt everywhere in the country including its capital, Santiago. There is mass devastation and I truly truly hope that friends and family find their loved ones. My thoughts and prayers go to them all.

Due to the earthquake most of the Pacific coast has been at risk for tsunamis predominantly Oahu, Hawaii, Guam, Polynesia, etc. As well as Japan who had a massive earthquake hit a few days ago and have been preparing for a tsunami before this all happened.

Oahu, Hawaii

A lot of stuff has happened as of late concerning natural disasters. Haiti is still under duress and struggling. Its been a struggle for a lot of people. However I gotta say what truly upsets me, especially today, is not only the devastation but the reaction Ive either seen online, tv, or heard in my own hallways of my building.

Ive heard a lot of “The end of the world is going on right now! Get ready for it” or “It’s God will hes mad at us” or other shit like that.

Look, I get it. Its really shitty and horrible. There are people out there that are truly suffering through this. You sitting there spitting out your negative bullshit helps NO ONE. I dont get how people can see this and instead of deal with the loss just look for blame.

MSNBC and CNN have been having constant watch on Hawaii for the tsunami, waiting for video footage of the damage. They said it would hit around 4:05. 4:05 passed and THANKFULLY the tsunami that hit was relatively small and barely made any damage if any. No loss of life and they are planning on getting rid of the tsunami warning in a few hours.

I heard someone in my hallway yelling on his cell phone “I just wasted 3 hours of my life waiting for some tsunami to hit and nothing! WTF?”
Not only him but on MSNBC they interviewed a woman on a cliff IN HAWAII asking what she sees and she was just annoyed. “well… ive been standing here for hours and I see nothin’ I just see nothin’ I dont why they even bothered”

Not one person is saying how awesome it is that nothing happened.

Im so tired of it. Im so tired of people looking at things that happened and instead of looking on the brightside finding what sucks about it and bitching about it. I do it myself I dont exclude myself from it. We all do it but in situations like this we need to be thankful. That woman should be on that cliff and thinking about the people in Chile who would give ANYTHING to be in her shoes and shut her fucking mouth!

The end of the world will happen some day. I dont know when. I dont want to know when. I dont care. I admittedly have tons of phobias including death and apocalyptic scenarios but I cant live my life thinking every single thing that happens in this world is a sign of something bad. Life is a roller coaster. Its gonna be bad and its gonna be good. You have to live your life reaching for the good. Youre not always gonna be happy. Youre not always gonna be sad. Youre not always gonna be in your right mind and think logically and youre not always gonna be in a situation where you have no control over your path.

Im so disappointed in how people have reacted today. Today is a really sad day for many people. You need to hope for that day where they can smile once again. I really hope that happens and wish people would try to hope for that more often.

What it is for me to be broke.

February 24, 2010

Now this isnt all bad. I mean yes it sucks but its also a reason to focus on bettering myself. I mean if you have money you spend it sometimes not in the best of ways. When youre broke, you are very aware on what you SHOULD spend it on. I think thats why I know how to decorate my dream home, what I would buy where I would buy a place to live, etc. I know cuz I know what I DONT have and try to figure out how its gonna be when I HAVE money. This all pertains to having A LOT of money btw, meaning a steady job with a decent income. Yeah for me, a decent job is A LOT of money haha.

When I’m broke I am also aware that I become more creative. I am spending more time at home not going out to buy drinks and food. I have to focus on entertaining myself at home. I’ve written some really cool songs. I think my talents in writing songs have improved immensly. Normally I can write lyrics and its somewhat difficult for me to come up with a melody for them. The two songs I wrote within a few days of each other I didnt have that problem at all! Im truly proud of myself with them. I can see me being able to do more.

Now there is one set back that really bugs me. I hope some of my friends read this and understand. Like I mentioned before, I dont go out much when I am low on cash. At the moment mom and I have less than 100 bucks altogether. So I dont go out. Not so much because I CANT but because I dont WANT to. Tons of my friends want to go out meet up for drinks, coffee, dinner, etc. When I tell them I cant because Im broke, Im not telling them cuz I want them to feel sorry for me. Im telling them because I dont want them to think I dont WANT to spend time with them. I end up feeling horrible because its so sweet when I have friends who are like “dont worry about it, I will buy you drinks, I will pay for you, never worry about cash” its so touching and so sweet but I really dont feel comfortable letting people pay for me. Ive done it, Ive thanked them and we’ve moved on never to have issue however just because thats been the case, I always feel this weird thing in the back of my mind that I’ve become a mooch or an expense to people. i think its cuz a few years ago when I was in the same boat I over heard someone say “Oh I wanna invite Natalia but I cant afford her”. I dont think they meant it in the bad way, they just meant that they knew I couldnt afford to go and they themselves couldnt afford to pay for me. Either way, it just makes me feel weird. So as much as I am honored and touched that my friends care enough to pay for me sometimes, I really try to avoid it as much as I can by just sitting it out just until I get money again.

The insane thing is this has actually caused me many a grief. Ive actually lost some close relationships because people didnt understand this way of thinking. I mean I dont think people understand that at the moment for the most part I live off my moms money. How fucked up is it that my mom doesnt go out, penny pinches when she SHOULD be retired by now and Im out going to concerts and dinners with friends? Im not saying shes suffering but I dont feel comfortable partying while shes worried about cash and my future. Ive had moments where friends would actually claim I wasnt being a good friend because I wouldnt hang out with them when they were very well aware I was extremely broke and couldnt afford to go to restaurants that were in my opinion rather expensive.

I mean do you guys know how expensive it is just to go back and forth on the subway in one day? 4.50. Four fucking dollars and fifty freaggin cents! To some of you its not much, to me thats a dozen eggs and a loaf of bread. To have to spend that money on a metrocard is really hard for me.

Plus, prior to me being broke when I used to have a full time job, it was ME who would pay for everything. I loved it! I still wish I could. I was the one that would go into a store and go “OMG this would look so cute on so and so” and then just buy it if I had the cash. If i went to restaurants and we couldnt figure out the tip or who owed what, I would just go “oh fuck it nevermind I got it” just out of laziness and not wanting to do the math lol. Im not saying if i had the cash i would be overly carefree but it feels good to be able to know you can do that every once in a while and knowing that I cant do that, it fucking kills.

It will happen again one day though. I know it. I know I will get a decent income and feel more relaxed to hang out with my friends more often. Keep the faith!

Ive had the news on for a while now..

February 23, 2010

Ive had the news on since 4pm and so many things I saw really got to me. Im not bitter or angry but I feel the need to vent and voice my opinion on some subjects out there. Nitpick in some ways. Yeah yeah, I hear you “Oh Natalia, why do you always need to complain about stuff?”

I complain or vent about stuff that bug me because I want to be a nice and fun person in the real world. Writing about it here gets it out of my head and lets me be more positive when having to deal. Anyways….

Fire in Jersey. Yeah ok I get it. There was ANOTHER fire in New Jersey. I dunno where. I lost track. Why the hell is there ALWAYS a fire in New Jersey? Fort Lee, Passaic, Hoboken, Atlantic City, Newark… seriously DAILY there is a news anchor informing me that another building caught fire in some place in New Jersey. Yes, this is horrible. However 90% of the time there is thankfully no loss of life and HELLOOOO fires happen every day in NYC what makes Jersey so special? And who the hell is putting things on fire?!?!? Stop it! Its not like you are getting paid for it…. or ARE you…. hmmmm *scratcheschin*…..

Ok this happened last week but it was in the news today. Its actually a very nice thing but there was something that I dont understand thats really picking at my brain: Ok…
South Bay Elementary School in West Babylon caught fire over the Winter Break. Thankfully no one was in the building but the schools interior was destroyed. The great news is a local church, Our Lady of Grace had tons of room on the side of the church that used to be a school and had offered up the space to the over 300 students and faculty. Thats really sweet and these kids arent going to miss that much school. Its a great thing that happened. However there was one thing that just bugged me.
A priest at the church has said that they will take down religious artifacts from the rooms out of respect…
… Out of respect for what though? I really dont see WHY. Look I was raised in a Catholic school upbringing. I never went to public school HOWEVER I am one of the first people to say that public schools shouldnt enforce religion on a child. Children come from many different cultural and religious backgrounds so to go to public school and be forced to recite prayer and whatnot I really dont think is appropriate.
HOWEVER, this is a CATHOLIC Church that is giving these people an opportunity to learn. Im not saying they should have prayer, Im just saying they shouldnt have to take any religious artifacts down. Its their building. They have the right to have it up. If anything its a good way of teaching children about accepting different cultures and religion. You have no idea how many HIGH SCHOOL students I tutor in global studies and they have NO IDEA about different religions MUCH LESS their own. I really believe its because people are so afraid of discussing religion that they avoid it. I think religion should be taught in a cultural aspect and not in an aspect of theology. If a child asks a teacher “Who is that man on the cross?” The teacher should explain the building they are in, what is practiced, and who it represents. Thats all. There is no reason to try to convert the child or dwell on it. Just answer the question and I think the parents who have their kids going there should talk to them too. I just think there is so much lack of communication in our society that it causes to much ignorance. Censoring your own culture while helping others really doesnt make any sense. I get the gesture though and think its nice but I dont think its a step thats needed. I dunno just my opinion. If I decide to help someone and let them stay in my house, Im not gonna redecorate because they may not agree with my way of decorating my house… its MY house! LOL.

They interviewed the daughter of the guy who crashed his plane into that IRS building killing himself and one guy. She actually said she considers her dad a hero even though she doesnt condone his actions. She respects and agrees with his angers pertaining to the American government and thinks he did something about it and that makes him a hero. …. Ok look…..
Im really sorry this woman lost her father. I firmly believe that this guy was more than likely a sweet man that got royally screwed over by this government. His daughter even said so. In fact, she even left this country and moved to Norway because while she was pregnant she was dropped from her healthcare provider and she had enough. I will go even further and say that yes, he is right.This government is really screwing over its own people. I read some of the things he said and I nodded in agreement to SOME of it. Yeah, we got some shady business going on in this country.
This isnt news though people. And no, your father is NOT a hero. A hero doesnt kill an innocent person to prove a point. A hero doesnt cause mass panic. A hero figures out a way to deal with their convictions in a productive way for society. Blowing up a building doesnt do that. It makes matters worse. Your dad snapped babe, he snapped and acted irrationally.
To be quite honest I dont even know how real this story is. I got my own opinions which Im not gonna get into here however I know for a fact that this woman lost her father and he was pissed. As to everything else, thats up to speculation at least for me.

That guy who came from Denver pleaded guilty to plotting to put explosives in the NYC subway system. Again, Im not getting into this… but I got a HUUUUUUUUUUGE problem with ALL of this. The news anchor even said he changed his plea to guilty when they threatened to put his mother’s immigration status into jeopardy. Ugh…. I cant. I just cant get into this at all.

I’ve officially stopped watching the news. They just said that they found those cops not guilty of sexually assaulting that guy at the train station.

Notice how I say things like “That guy” and “that place” or whatever? LOL, I just seriously got so overwhelmed with everything the names mean nothing anymore. Totally done. I need to watch comedy to make me happy and silly again.

I’m no longer apologizing or….

February 7, 2010

….or making excuses for not updating as much as I used to. I want to update every day but because I hadnt in so long, I just never know what to write.

See, I said I wouldnt make excuses and yet I did. Whatever.

Anyways, things have been going alright. I truly cant complain too much. In fact many great things have been happening concerning music. All my songs are on my hard drive. I know it doesnt sound like much but trust me, Ive lost my song book enough to know i need it somewhere it cant really get too lost.

We (Jay and I) got a residency at Beauty Bar in Bushwick. it was a lot of fun performing this past Thursday. I was feeling miserable (physically) but I didnt care I still was so happy I was there. I cant wait to play again. We will be playing Thursday nights for the month of February.

The main reason I havent updated any critiques is plain and simple: I write for SKORCH Magazine now. So I do my reviews on there. However its only one a month so I will get back to posting them here as well. No worries, when Im ready you will see them.

I’ve been really ill the passed week and a half too. Im gonna be ok but I have an abscess on my thigh. It was infected and really painful. It still hurts like a mofo but I will be seeing a surgeon (yeah its that bad) tomorrow and they will tell me if it needs to be surgically removed or not. I am hoping not. Either way its getting better so no worries everything is going to be just fine.

I have mild cabin fever though. I noticed when I went to the show on Thursday I couldnt shut up for the life of me. I need to socialize more, I always say that, but when Im broke which is most of the time, I really dont like going out. Mix in doctors orders of not moving too much and you got me stuck at home wanting company. Thankfully Jay has been here often since he got back from South Hadley but yeah, my other friends who actually live close by? Yeah… lets not get into that. LOL

I have to call the temp agency I rejoined to remind them I am sans a real job every Monday. Let’s hope they get me something.

I actually do have a lot to say on here. Something tells me you will see a spurt of blogs for a while again.

Yay? I mean, do you guys read? If ya do comment in here. Just so I know its being read. I will still write either way but its just nice to know people are listening.

Need to say this to get it off my chest…. Tiger Woods

December 16, 2009

Tiger Woods...yeah

Ok before I say anything let me just make this very very clear. I don’t condone his actions nor am I a fan of the tool. However there are certain issues that I need to vent about.

Look, this is an athlete who cheats on his wife. Yeah. Thats really all this is. Why is this such a huge fucking deal?

Like, yeah ok its Tiger fucking Woods so what? Im getting so fucking annoyed with people who are in utter shock when they find out a man has cheated on their wife. Like “OMG this NEVER happens!” Give me a break.

I get it. He was the Golden Boy. The first black guy to be at the top in golf. Is that why this is a big deal? Like really?

People argue its because of how many women and how this whole drama is unfolding. It just amazes me how crashing his car led to all this coming out of the woodworks.

What is upsetting me is now that this all came out, hes actually feeling the need to stop doing his job and hes losing sponsors.

Really? He did what plenty of men do and yet HES the one that is suffering? The dork who plays golf? The dork that if he wasnt famous wouldnt be lucky enough to even get close to the amount of ass he gets now? Does that seem fair?

Im not one of those “hes being mistreated because hes black” people. I wont lie though and say it didnt cross my mind though. However, I had to remind myself about allllll the basketball, football, baseball players that come in all of Gods beautiful colors that are baby daddies to a number of women.

Look, this is what Im getting at. Yes, he is a total tool. Yes its fucked up he cheated soooo much. Yes its fucked up that he actually paid off his wife to stay with him (or so they say). However if you actually believed she didnt know about it youre insane and shes the insane one for even staying at this point. This is a fucked up relationship and he should be ashamed of himself. HOWEVER I find it sickening that there are soooooooo many people out there who do this on a daily basis yet its evident to us all that it has NOTHING to do with our careers yet for some unknown fucked up reason this dude is going to lose it all. I do think he needs to be punished but he has kids people. Hes a dude that thinks with his dinger and he fucked up. He needs to learn from his mistakes but losing everything he worked so hard to accomplished because he cant keep his cock in his golf shorts really seems to be going too far dont you think?

I know a lot of people out there disagree with me and say “No he needs to suffer! He’s a sleazy man!” Whatever, I just personally dont believe what happens off the golf course should have anything to do with your job. Hes lost endorsements cuz of his reputation being tarnished. Im just saying fine, if you are going to tarnish HIS reputation tarnish everyone else’s who have done the SAME DAMN THING. It just doesnt make any sense to make HIM pay. Its not like he beat any of them. He didnt cause damage physically. As far as mentally, any women who is either aware or unaware that their husband is getting that much extra ass on the side and still stays with them I question their sanity should they be totally against it. I say “should they be totally against it” because there are in fact relationships that shockingly enough allow extramarital activities. Is this one of them? I dunno, I doubt it but hey something is going on there that honestly is none of our business.

I wish it was like it was years ago when we didnt know all of this bullshit going on in the personal lives of celebrities. When you didnt know about all the bullshit until they wrote a tell all and you would be shocked out of your pants. How did the world NOT know Rock Hudson was gay? Mainly because he was that good an actor and his life was THAT private. The amazing thing about that is, EVERYONE IN THE INDUSTRY knew he was gay. That to me means, there was a time when someones privacy was respected. What happened to that.

We all want to know everything yet if they were just some random person on the street we would know damn well it wasnt our business. We need to get back to that so I can stop writing these rants on celebs lol.